


Bring Us Home

by Jinkisducklings



Category: SHINee
Genre: Angst, Guns, Gunshot Wounds, I have no idea what to put here but uh, M/M, Oh, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, They love each other a whole lot and that gets them through everything, blood mention, just warning that the the symptoms of ptsd are discussed thoroughly so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-07 17:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16412699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinkisducklings/pseuds/Jinkisducklings
Summary: When Jinki went to the grocery store the biggest problem he expected to encounter was their 5-month-old baby girl screaming in the milk aisle.When Jonghyun answered his husband's call at work he expected to be told to bring home takeout from somewhere when he got off.But Jinki now had a gun barrel pressed into his back and Jonghyun would be the deciding factor if they ever came home again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo~ This has been my baby for literally over two years and I decided to repost it here too <3 I hope you like it

              He squinted as the light of the hallway flooded his eyes and grumbled as he moved toward where the giggles were originating from. His little girl was spotted in her little bouncy chair up on the counter before he could round the corner. A little panic bubbled up in his stomach when he didn’t see his husband anywhere at first, but as he stepped closer he saw the well-placed hand on the baby’s tummy and then the man standing there making sure she was getting her jar of banana food mostly in her mouth and not on her bib.

              Jinki was smiling wide down at his daughter, voice soft and playful as he made airplane noises. Jonghyun couldn’t see her face, just the top of her head full of hair, but her little hands were flapping around trying to grab the spoon her Daddy was bringing to her lips too slowly for her liking. Her fingers were covered in the baby food and Jonghyun chuckled softly. The sound of his laughter caused Jinki to look away from the baby and his eyes to almost melt at the sight of his husband. “Hey, you. Sleep well?”

              “Mornin’” Jonghyun smacked his mouth as he rubbed his eye with his knuckle. He slipped behind his husband and snaked an arm around his middle before squishing his cheek into his back. His voice was muffled because of a mixture of his lips being so close to Jinki’s back and still being half asleep as he replied, “Better than most nights. Pumpkin slept well.”

              “She did. She slept in 5 hour little spurts.” Jinki’s voice was full of pride before it changed into his voice he spoke to Gwiboon with, “Didn’t you beautiful? You let Daddy and Pa sleep more like a good little baby.”

              When Jonghyun glanced over Jinki’s shoulder he snorted, “Now if only she could be a good baby and get most of her food in her mouth and not on her fingers.”

              He felt Jinki’s sigh before he heard it and he kind of liked feeling the rumble of his voice, “She’s a little messy, but she gets that from me. Sorry Pumpkin wrong genes from the gene pool.” Jonghyun’s lips curved into a little smile as he snaked the other arm around his husband. Jinki was very warm and he was tired. It was a beautifully horrid combination. “As much as I would love to stand here and let you almost give me the Heimlich maneuver our daughter needs to be washed up and changed, and you need breakfast.”

              That just made him whine, “But you’re so comfy.”

              “Go get showered and I’ll have breakfast all ready for you.”

              That made Jonghyun pause. “Chocolate chip pancakes?”

              “And extra whipped cream.”

              “You know I just realized I have to shower. It just slipped my mind, gotta go!” Jonghyun dashed off after pressing a quick kiss onto his husband’s cheek.

              Jinki laughed as he placed the half-empty jar of baby food back onto the counter and wipes his hands on the cloth sitting beside it. He quickly dashed a washcloth with warm water and gently wiped Gwiboon’s face and hands before smiling and saying, “Your Pa is something else Pumpkin.” She just cooed as she was picked up to be changed from her now dirty onesie.

              She was laid in her soft play pin after Jinki had rolled it into the kitchen. Her little legs and arms gyrated as her Daddy smiled down at her. They only stopped once her purple otter was in her arms and her head was softly caressed by Jinki. Once he was sure that she wouldn’t get herself into trouble he turned toward the fridge to face his husband’s pancake craving. It wasn’t an impossible request most of the time, but the longer he searched their cupboards with no sign of the chocolate chips it was quickly turning out to be just that. Good thing he found the bag of Hershey kisses he had bought Jonghyun a couple nights ago on the way back from his shift at the hospital. It was easy to cut the big pieces of chocolate into smaller chunks to toss into the batter he had poured into the skillet.

              The last of the pancakes were being flipped onto the plate when he heard Jonghyun humming getting louder. Soon enough when he glanced behind him the man was leaning over Gwiboon’s play pin to rub her belly. He only looked up when he heard the plate being set on the island beside him. Jinki was crouched down in front of the open fridge trying to pull something out from the bottom shelf, but before Jonghyun could ask what exactly he was doing he was straightening with the carton of orange juice that had been shoved far in there last night when they put their leftovers away. Jinki beamed as he slid the carton on the counter and reached for the two glasses he had set out next to the stove.

              “Are these all for me?” Jonghyun asked after he had pulled the stools around the island so they could watch Gwiboon.

              “I get the two big ones. The rest are yours baby.” When Jinki had turned back around after putting the rest of the orange juice in the fridge 4 of Jonghyun’s 11 tiny pancakes were shoved into his mouth. Jinki just shook his head with a fond smile on his face as he placed the cup near his husband’s plate. “Don’t choke now.”

              After they were swallowed Jonghyun quickly took a drink of the juice and beamed when he set it back down, “Roger that.”

              “Nerd.”

              “Dweeb.” Jonghyun retorted before he stuck his tongue out and they both giggled at how silly they both were.

\----

              With the extra time that Jonghyun had before he had to leave for work, he cleaned up their breakfast and washed the dishes. Once they were set aside to dry he turned to pick up Gwiboon to get some baby time before he had to go and work for 9 hours. He passed Jinki who was going through the fridge and cabinets making the list he’d take with him to the grocery store later. Jonghyun took a seat in the recliner and after bringing his legs up he laid the baby against his thighs. Her feet were on his tummy as she shoved her fist in her mouth and kept her otter close with her other hand. Jinki pushed the play pin back into the living room and placed the bouncing seat next to the couch before falling straight onto its cushions. He twisted his head slightly in order to see his little family, but he stayed there on his back sprawled out on the piece of furniture. “I’m exhausted and it’s not even eight in the morning yet.”

              “Well just 4 more hours and it’s nap time.”

              Jinki’s eyes fluttered close with a happy hum. “My favorite time of day.”

              Jonghyun smiled at his husband before turning back to gently tap his fingers on his daughter’s little tummy. Her tiny fists waved in little circle motions before one was shoved in her mouth for her to chew on. “Don’t take it personally Princess. He loved sleep way before you came along.”

              “That I did. I just miss it a lot more now,” After his chuckles subsided he quietly said, “Shouldn’t you be heading out Sweetie?”

              “I have 20 more minutes of baby time mister.”

              “That’s not including the time it’ll take you to take that package to the post office that I’m not allowed to send for you.”

              “Oh… right.”

              “Secret government business that little ole me can have nothing to do with.” Jinki heaved himself off the comfort of the couch to walk the few steps to the recliner. He held his hands out with his palms up, a sweet smile on his face as he said, “Come on Jonghyunie, gimme my baby so my Sugarbutt can get to work.”

              “But what if your Sugarbutt doesn’t want to go to work and just stay here all day with your baby?”

              Jinki leaned down to poke Jonghyun’s cheek with his nose, “Then my Sugarbutt needs to call his super secret scary lab boss and call off. Which is fine by me because I can actually sleep on my day off for once, but we both know you must go to work and I must stay awake. Now gimme my baby.”

              With a sigh, Jonghyun handed Gwiboon over and she cooed as her head was held by her daddy’s palm and her butt was gently patted with his other hand. Jonghyun was grumbly as he put the recliner back down and stood up. His mood brightened when Jinki pressed a wet, sloppy kiss onto his cheek and Gwiboon made a cute little gurgle noise when he kissed her goodbye. After he had retrieved the box from his study and grabbed the lunch box Jinki had packed for him early Jonghyun jumped into his car. Jinki moved Gwiboon’s arm for her on the porch as he pulled from the driveway.

              “Now let’s get some laundry going before we make our grocery list hmm, maybe even give you a bath Ms. Messy.” Gwiboon just reached up to pull off his glasses. “Gwi no Daddy needs those.”

              The baby girl didn’t care. Not like he expected her to.

 ----

              The traffic to the grocery store was almost nonexistent. Besides a couple cars and the SUV a couple car lengths behind them the road was clear. Gwiboon was quietly chewing on her play ring looking at the mirror that allowed her daddy to see her from his rearview mirror. Jonghyun liked to say he was corrupting their daughter by playing trot CDs during car rides, but she was more quiet and content when they were on.      

              When he pulled into the parking lot there weren’t many people at the store. Which was usually how it was on a Wednesday morning. He pulled into a spot on the side of the store and after making sure he had his wallet in his pocket he slipped his phone into the diaper bag on the passenger seat. He grabbed it before stepping out to get his little Pumpkin out of her car seat. The baby carrier was folding up on the floorboard and once it was snapped around his hips he lifted her from her seat. She was quickly held against his chest so he could lift the other half of the carrier up and slip his arms through it. He fixed Gwiboon’s tiny hat and left sock that she always liked to kick off before closing the door and shoulder the diaper bag once again. the     

              The diaper bag was set in the front of the cart before he moved toward the produce section. He fished the list out of his back pocket and set it on top of the bag for future reference. Gwiboon gurgled against his chest, little fists softly swatting at him. Jinki patted her butt and kissed her head as he pulled the cart to a stop with his other hand. A bag of carrots, a head of lettuce and two onions were picked out, bagged and placed into the cart after a twisty tie was placed at the top. A cucumber was next along with a thing of strawberries, a bunch of six bananas and three apples. One granny smith for Jonghyun. Bread was next, but they were out of the usual whole wheat brand they loved so he went with the one that was on sale. He didn’t think Jonghyun would mind very much.

              After leaving the dairy section Jinki’s list was finished and he turned back around to head up to the front of the store, but as he made his way there he passed the cookie aisle. Jonghyun hadn’t said he wanted cookies this week, but Jinki knew his husband well enough that sometimes he just forgot to ask for things because he didn’t know he needed or wanted them at the time. Gwiboon had fallen asleep somewhere between the can good aisle and the dairy aisle. He cupped her head as he lowered down to pull the pack Milano cookies from the shelf. He felt pretty proud of himself when she was still asleep when he tossed them into the cart. of     

              After checking his watch he pressed a kiss to Gwiboon’s head and smiled when she made a soft noise. “Shh Pumpkin. We’ll be home soon.”

              When he placed the last item on the belt he pushed the cart to the end and stood in front of the cashier to look up at the computer screen for the total. He gave Gwiboon his finger to chew on when she began to fuss, but only after wiping it off with the pack of disinfectant wipes in the side pocket of the diaper bag. The cashier was almost done with his things when he noticed the display of flowers up at the front. He wiggled past his cart and picked up a bouquet of pink ones. He arrived back at the register just as the last jar of mashed banana baby food was being scanned. “And this please.”

              “It’ll be 78.96, sir.”

              Jinki flashed a smile at the young woman as he wiggled his wallet free from his back pocket. He handed her 4 twenties as he glanced down at the boy bagging his things. In his hand was the chewing toy Jinki had picked up for Gwiboon. “Can I have that out of the bag please?” Once it was handed to him he smiled, “Thanks. I’d like to have my finger back to drive.” Both workers laughed as the bags were finished and put into the cart, and he was handed his change of a dollar and 4 cents.

              He slid the money into his pocket and thanked them before heading out of the store. He crumbled up his list and pushed it into the garbage can just before the car. Gwiboon was content chewing on her daddy’s finger so he kept her against his chest as he popped the hatch to start loading the groceries in. Lifting the water Gatorade cases were harder to do with a baby on his chest and one hand, but he managed it. He walked around and set the bread and eggs in the backseat next to the baby seat. The flowers were set in the passenger seat. After a quick once over of the cart he lifted the diaper bag out of it and pushed the cart against the wall up the tiny ramp leading to the sidewalk as he walked back around to put Gwiboon in her car seat. “Do you think Pa will like his flowers when he gets home Pumpkin?”  

              Just as he was about to slip the straps off his shoulders he heard a click and then felt something being pressed into his lower back, right against his spine. A grave voice whispered against his ear. “Too bad he won’t get to see them, Jinki Lee. Say anything and I’ll put a bullet through you.”

              He swallowed thickly as his hands came up to hold Gwiboon closer. As he was led away by a grip on his arm he locked the car and tossed the keys into the backseat before the door was closed. If Jonghyun came home to find them missing and came looking for them at the store he’d know something was up the moment he saw the keys sitting in the back with the car locked. Jinki tried to see the license plate of the black SUV he was being pushed into and it was then he recognized the car. It had been the car following them earlier. He only saw the eyes of the man pointing the gun at him. “Keep that baby quiet and do not try anything.”

              Jinki wasn’t going to. Not when he had Gwiboon. By himself, he would have reached down to his phone and dialed 911, or texted Jonghyun to track his phone, but his little girl’s life was in his hands and he wasn’t going to jeopardize that in any way.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reason behind the kidnapping is learned and Jonghyun is told what he must do to get his family back.

             A blindfold was pulled over his eyes by the guy on the other seat to the side of him. Before his vision was completely cut off he noticed the gun in the man’s lap. Gwiboon began to shift against his chest, but with a soft kiss to the top of her head calmed her down. It was then he noticed her hat was missing. He gently moved his fingers over her cheeks to her nose and down to her mouth, and she began to gently chew on his knuckle. When the chewing stopped he figured she had fallen asleep. Gwiboon always did love the sound of their heartbeats.

             He tried to focus on his other senses to figure out any clues on where they were being taken. There wasn’t much with how loud his blood was roaring into his ears, but he could make out the sound of rushing water and then the car bumped them around. He recognized the sound of train tracks and the distant sound of the locomotive coming. He could hear the soft voices of the driver and the first man who had held the gun to him talking in the front seat. They were too quiet to make out complete sentences, but he heard Jonghyun’s name. He hoped they were talking about someone with that name that wasn’t his husband.

             When the car stopped and the engine was turned off someone came and pulled open his door. There was a harsh grip on his arm as he was tugged from the seat. Under his feet felt like gravel or some type of small rock. It crunched as he walked where he was being led without question. The diaper bag was tight in his grip and his other hand was on Gwiboon against his chest. There was an order given to the man pulling him, “Take the Baby.”, as soon as the sound of a slamming door was heard.

             Panic set in his chest. He couldn’t try his best to make sure she was okay if she wasn’t with him. When he felt the fingers curling around the strap at his back he twisted away, dropping the diaper bag and curling his arms around Gwiboon. “She stays with me,” Jinki growled.

             He heard laughter around him and before he could notice someone was coming up behind him there was a sharp pain against his skull and he staggered forward. The last thing that happened before he blacked out as he made sure he didn’t fall on his daughter.

\-----

             The cuffs around his wrists were cutting into his skin, but neither that or the throbbing of his jaw hurt more than the sound of his baby girl's cries. The man he figured to be the leader of this whole thing was standing above him. The floor beneath Jinki's knees was hard and cold as he listened to the command shouted at him, "Tell me what you know about Project Waternew."   
  
             Jinki squinted up at the man before spitting the fluid in his mouth at the other's shoes. "For the last time, I don't know anything about that damn thing."  
  
             He didn't flinch when his collar was grabbed violently by the man. "You're telling me you have no idea about anything on the project your husband is the leader of?"  
  
             “That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”

             “I don’t think you’re being very truthful to me.” The man smiled wide, almost creepily so as his fingers flexed around Jinki’s dirty shirt collar. “Go get the girl. Maybe he’ll talk if she’s the one getting hurt.”

             Jinki’s eyes widened as he fought against the grip of the other man. “No.. no no no! I don’t know anything! I promise you. I don’t know anything about what he does other than he works for the government doing something with computer software. Please don’t hurt her.” He turned his head to watch in sheer terror as one of the goons moved toward the other door in the room. In a last attempt to save his little girl he stared into the leader’s eyes and propositioned, “ My phone is in the diaper bag, on the very bottom in the pouch we keep her extra hats. I’ll unlock it. You can call Jonghyun, you can do anything you want, just let me have my daughter. Please.” Gwiboon’s cries increased in volume as the door was opened, but maybe that’s just because there wasn’t a barrier blocking the sound anymore.

             The leader seemed to contemplate the request before he was letting go of his collar and stepping around him to kneel down.  Jinki  felt the cuffs being unlocked and pulled from his wrists as the leader yelled to his man in the other room, “Leave her, her father is coming.” He then walked around to look at Jinki’s face as he stood, “You get her and you come right in here. Try anything and she will be harmed.”

             Jinki stopped rubbing his wrists were the cuffs used to be and almost ran into the connecting room. Gwiboon was set in an old playpen. The once white net around it was now a dark yellow color of age with big holes throughout the surface. The baby girl was sitting up, and Jinki didn’t take any time in picking her up and holding her close. Her face was bright red as her screams continued. Her breathing hiccupped when she saw her dad and the cries turned into a whimper as she recognized him. He followed instructions and carried her back into the room. The leader pointed to the wall and Jinki walked over to slide down the wall to sit on the floor.

             Gwiboon didn’t seem to have anything physically wrong with her. She had a little dirt on her cheeks and hands, but she wasn’t hurt. He was cleaning off her cheek when the sound of something hitting the ground near his legs caught his attention. When he looked away from Gwiboon he noticed it was the diaper bag. “Get the phone out and unlock it. Dial your husband’s number but do not press talk.” Jinki wasn’t going to disobey with the gun pointed at them.

             His fingers curled around the top of the bag with little effort and he tugged it closer to unzip it. He shoved his hand to the bottom where he knew the stupid thing fell all the time and grabbed the blue pencil bag. He placed one hat on his leg before pulling his cell phone out and unlocking it with his thumb on the scanner near the bottom. Once Jonghyun’s number was typed in he slid the device over to it thunked against the leader’s shoe. Whatever the other man did Jinki wasn’t paying attention to it. He pulled on the extra hat onto Gwiboon’s head instead. She had to have her diaper changed too, but he figured he’d wait to see what they wanted from Jonghyun before asking if he could do that for her. Taking a chance wasn’t in the question when there were loaded guns throughout the room.

             It was the sound of the dialing tone and then his husband’s voice that brought his attention back to their kidnapper.   _“Hello Baby I was-”_

             “This isn’t your husband Kim Jonghyun and if you want to see your family ever again I advise you to listen very closely.”

             Jonghyun sounded so scared it felt like a stab to the chest to Jinki, _“Who are you?”_

             “Who I am doesn’t really matter; However, if you want them back alive I will call you in exactly one hour with directions. If you do not pick up the first time when you do answer I’ll ask which one you want to kill. Understood?”

_"Perfectly.”_

             “Great. Talk to you soon.”

\-----

 _"Great. Talk to you soon.”_  The call was ended with a click and it was only then Jonghyun’s breathing began again. Who had his family? Were they even alive? Were they okay? What was he supposed to do? Should he call the police and see what they would do, or wait and see if he could do this all by himself? All he knew was he couldn’t think of a day let alone a life without his husband and baby girl. He couldn’t live with himself if something happened to either of them.

             The code on the computer screen in front of him blurred together and his hands shook. This section of code wasn’t about to get finished. His mind was racing too much and his body was shaking too much with worry and nervousness to even think about revising a coworkers code. He heard the sound of heels coming toward him and then the sweet voice of his boss’ secretary filled his ears, “You okay Jonghyun? You look a little pale.”

             He coughed to clear his throat and forced a smile, “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. I think I’m just a little tired. The baby kept us up a lot last night.”

             Taeyeon giggled, “Well that’s what babies do. I hope she gets into the habit of sleeping throughout the night for your sake.”

             “Thank you.” She smiled and bowed her head to him before continuing on her way.

             What in the world was he going to be asked to do? What could be so important that they had to take his family in order to make sure he’d do it?

\-----

             After the phone call, the leader left through the right door and by the sounds of it out the front door as well. From what Jinki could tell there were two people out the right door, but then again there could be more or less since he saw them for maybe 5 seconds when the door was open. Then there was the big guy who was ordered to stay in the room with them. The muscle of the operation Jinki could venture to guess. So four people abducted him and his little baby to get something from his husband, but what could Jonghyun have that they’d go through so much to make sure he got it to them?

             A part of him wanted to know what Jonghyun did at his job. When he had met the man in college he was a computer science and engineering double major, and he never imagined 6 years later that he would be held hostage in this dirty building with their baby hoping the guy pointing the gun at them didn’t suddenly get trigger happy.  He figured by the pain he was experiencing in his jaw that he had a least a minor fracture, but until they let them go there was nothing he could do about it. To take it off his mind he focused on Gwiboon.

             He looked up at the big man against the wall. He was a good 5 inches taller than himself, double the weight at least and he looked like he smashed skulls in for a living. Which Jinki wasn’t going to put it past him. “What’s your name?”

             The man looked at him startled before he said in a low voice, “Kyuchul.”

             “Is it okay if I change her diaper Kyuchul?”

             “Boss didn’t say you could.”

             “He also didn’t say I couldn’t did he?”

             Kyuchul’s mouth hung open as he scratched the back of his head with the gun free hand. “I guess it’s okay if he didn’t say you weren’t allowed.”

             Jinki forced a smile before he got up onto his knees to pull the changing pad from the side of the bag. Once it was laid out he set Gwiboon down softly and she wiggled her limbs and gurgled happily. Jinki wished he could have her innocence. When he reached in the bag to grab a diaper and the wipes Kyuchul stepped closer asking, “What are you doing?”

             With a raised eyebrow he laid the two things on the ground one after the other as his right hand was on Gwiboon’s tummy to keep her from rolling over. “I’m getting the things I need to change her diaper.”

             “Oh.”

             Her pants were shimmied down her never stopping legs and laid to the side on the changing pad. The onesie was unsnapped and pushed up. “You’ve never changed a diaper have you.”

             “I haven’t been around a lot of babies.”

             “Well,” The little adhesive tabs were pulled and the diaper was unraveled. “Ah, seems little miss wanted to be double the mess.” The wipes were quickly open and with familiarity, she was wiped down, the dirty diaper removed and the new one laid in place a couple seconds either. “I’ve done this enough times the last 5 months I can do this still half asleep with both eyes closed.”

             “I can’t do anything with my eyes closed.”

             Jinki gave him a small smile before dressing Gwiboon again and picking her up. He had no idea what time it was, but he figured she had to be hungry. “Do you have a microwave in this place?”

             “Uh in the room she was in before I believe.”

             “Can you escort me in there so I can heat her up a bottle?”

             “Oh, I’m not allowed to take you out of here.”

             “You are very good at following instructions.” Jinki folded up the mat and shoved it back where it was kept before pulling out the bottle from the side mesh pocket. “I would love to follow your boss’ instructions that he gave me, but I can’t keep a hungry baby quiet. It’s humanly impossible and we wouldn’t want the boss unhappy would we?”

             “You… pose a good point.” Kyuchul scratched his beard before shrugging. “ A couple minute trip to the next room won’t mean much if it means the baby is kept quiet. Alright, come on.”

             Jinki quickly grabbed one of the bottles of water he had packed on the bottom of the bag that morning and the can of formula. He walked toward the door and the way Kyuchul was following him with the gun pointed to his back was just a little unnerving if he was honest with himself. He held Gwiboon on his hip and scooped two cups of the formula with the measuring cup in the tin. After pouring in the white powder into the uncapped bottle he poured half of the water bottle into it. He screwed the cap back on and swirled the liquid to make sure all the powder dissolved before opening the microwave and punching in the time. Before it beeped he pulled the door open and tested the temperature on his wrist. 15 more seconds in the microwave and one more testing was needed before it was where it should be to give to her. He gathered his things and headed back into the room. He returned to his wall while Kyuchul returned to his spot in the corner between the small window and the closed door.

             Gwiboon was laid back in the crook of his arm and the bottle’s nipple was set to her lips. Her little fingers curled and uncurled on the bottle’s smooth surface, and with a smile, he rubbed her cheek with his knuckle. Her eyes slowly blinked as she drank and Jinki gently patted her butt the way she liked. A little of his panic settled knowing she was fed and changed. For a little while, he could almost deceive himself that it wasn’t bad as it seemed.

\-----

             The leader returned sometime after that. Jinki’s phone was pushed into his back pocket and there was a white plastic bag in his right hand. He set the bag on the floor near Jinki’s feet and pushed it close enough to it hit his shoes. He blinked up at Kyuchul’s boss. “What is that?”

             “The blanket you left in the car for your daughter and the stuffed otter. It gets a little chilly at night here.”

             Jinki took that as they weren’t going home tonight. He leaned forward and pushed open the bag. Sure enough, the only two things in there were the two items he said there’d be. The blanket was pulled out and laid over Gwiboon who was curled up in his arm against his stomach. Her toes curled against his other arm periodically. Then he lifted her arm and laid the otter against her chest and cheek. She kept the stuffed animal close and nuzzled against it in her sleep. “Thank you,” Jinki mumbled.

             “I don’t plan on harming the babe. Honest.” Jinki searched the man’s face for any sign of lying. “She’s only here as leverage. If your husband does what we ask of him than both of you will return home, but she will no matter what.” Jinki knew he shouldn’t trust the man, but something tugged at his instincts. “Let’s see if he answers.”

             The phone didn’t even finish it’s the first ring before it clicked through. The leader smiled wide at Jinki as he said, “I’m so glad you answered. I really don’t want bloodshed just yet.”

            _“I’ll do whatever you want from me, but only after I talk to my husband.”_

             “You aren’t in a position to make demands.”

              _“I won’t do anything until I know they are alive.”_

             The man’s eyes flicked over to them before he was sighing, “Fine. You have two minutes.” The phone was tossed toward him and landed on Jinki’s shins. He reached quickly for it without thinking, but luckily Gwiboon stayed asleep against him.

             “Hey Baby.”

             The rushed intake of breath and the breaking of his husband's voice broke his heart. _"I’m so sorry. So so sorry Baby. Are you okay? Is Gwi? This is all my fault.. .I..”_

             “Hey… hey, calm down. Don’t cry. I’m fine. Gwi is sleeping in my arms. We’re okay. You’re brilliant Baby. Whatever they asked of you, you’ll be able to do it and bring us home. I know you can.”

             Before Jonghyun could say anything the phone was being snatched from against Jinki’s ear.

\-----

            _“I love you!”_  The called out words seemed so distant, but Jonghyun grasped onto them nonetheless.

             “That wasn’t two minutes.”

            _"Doesn’t matter. It was two minutes on my time.”_ Jonghyun tried to calm himself to focus completely on whatever the man was about to instruct him to do. “ _Now I took your family to force your hand, and you’ll get them back if you succeed unharmed.”_

             “What do you want me to do?”

            _"I want you to hand over the Project Waternew._

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As his 36-hour time limit slowly ticks away, Jonghyun relives memories of their life together.

            Jonghyun’s stomach was in knots at the simple sound of those three words. Panic set in his chest. “That isn’t mine to hand over. That’s government property. “

_"But you were the head designer and coder for the project, were you not?”_

            “Yes, but it was my job. I was ordered to do so. It does not make that project mine to give away. There are so many firewalls I would have to jump through and regulations I would be breaking.” His voice was high and quick, being as the panic was slowing overtaking him. His heart was pounding fast against his chest and his palms were becoming sweaty.

          _“I do not care what you have to do to get it to me, but you will have it on one single laptop, all your notes shredded and burned if you want to ever see your family again.  You have 36 hours Jonghyun Kim. I  advise you to get to work jumping through those what you called ‘holes’. You’ll get a call halfway through. When I call, you_ answer _or bad things happen. Understood?”_

            “Completely.”

            The phone call was ended with a soft click in his ear and his emotions crashed into him fully. His phone fell to his lap as his hands moved around his middle. He held himself tightly as quick little hiccups interrupted his breathing. 36 hours to hack into the national government undetected, copy the program and delete every note, code, or work in progress dealing within the project's parameters. Jinki always had called him brilliant, but he wasn’t so sure that his husband would be right on this account.

\-----

            The evening was changing into darkness with the lack of light coming from the half covered window on the right side of the room. Gwiboon was awake in his arms, but she was content playing with the pocket of his flannel shirt. Jinki smiled softly down at her as he ran a hand over her head full of hair. Her hat was folded on his thigh, and as his palm moved over her tiny head she gurgled and her hand came to hit his chest happily. He left his hand on the back of her head as he glanced around the room. The leader was leaning against the big chair in the corner looking out of the half of the window that wasn’t covered. Phone on one thigh and his gun on the other. Kyuchul was sitting against the falling apart piano just in front of him, watching him as his boss instructed him, but Jinki could tell he was becoming tired.

            He wondered what time it was. He could guess it had been a few hours since Jonghyun had been called and given his 36-hour time limit on his mission. Jinki didn’t know what Project Waternew was, but for someone to go through all this to get their hands on it he figured it was something dangerous. He knew his husband was brilliant and a part of him had complete trust that he would be able to do whatever he was required to do in the time given to him, but there was no guarantee that even if he finished that both him and their daughter would be returned unharmed. Gwiboon was too young to recognize any of them given the opportunity to later on, but he could.  The leader of all this seemed to be a very intelligent man. Keeping him alive would be very ignorant for him in the long run. Jinki pushed down that fear and focus on Gwiboon. The thought that he might not have another day with her after the 36 hours were up made him want to cherish every second with her, even if the situation they were in wasn’t the greatest.  

            Getting her was difficult, to the point it took them three years just to find someone willing to be their surrogate. There were many almosts during that time. Someone almost agreeing until they saw that the baby would be for a gay couple. Almost a positive test, but finding out the baby wasn’t theirs. Almost carrying a baby to term only for the surrogate to have a miscarriage and needing to end their contract because they couldn’t handle doing it over again. Almost. Over and over again until they met Soojung, who gave them their little baby girl Gwiboon. It was hard for him to sit there and smile at his little girl knowing deep down there was a small chance he would ever see her walk. She had just begun to start crawling and Jinki wanted to laugh at how frustrated he was when she crawled across the room when he turned around. Now all he wanted was to see her crawl everywhere giggling as she escaped him.

            She looked up at him with such big eyes. It reminded him of the way she first looked at Jonghyun when he held her. He tried to force thoughts of Jonghyun out of his head because those thoughts only led to ones of what would happen if he didn’t return home to him. So he rubbed his baby girl’s cheek and smiled when she moved to capture it between her lips. “No, no, sweetie my finger isn’t very clean.” He reached over into the diaper bag to wipe his hand off with a wipe. Her tiny whimpers quietened down as he slipped his knuckle into her mouth. She curled her fingers around his hand to keep it where it was. Tiny gurgle noises rumbled around his finger and he smiled, amused, “There you go baby.”

            Her feet were pressed flat against his tummy, knees bent, and every so often she pushed off him a little. Besides the soft little sucking noises around his finger, she was completely silent. With her sucking on his finger there was no arm around her bottom and legs. She could push off to hard and roll down his legs, but she never pushed hard enough. She was just playing with herself, and she always did love wiggling her butt when she was happy and content.

\----

            With the back of his hand, Jonghyun rubbed his nose. His hands only stopped shaking when they touched the computer keys. His eyes were blurry from the tears, and he was almost completely sure his fingers were moving on their own accord now. The last time he took any of his 36 hours to check what time it was it was just past 7, which meant on a regular day he would be getting home to seeing Jinki in the kitchen with Gwiboon in her little bouncy seat in the doorway. There would be food cooking on the stove and Jinki would smile so big when he heard their front door open. He would tell him about his day at the hospital, how excited Gwiboon was when she saw him coming to get her at daycare, but never before tugging him close and pressing a kiss to his lips.  

            Jonghyun shook his head as he mumbled to himself, “No, no, can’t think about that. Gotta focus.”  

            It was a futile thing to say. No matter what he did the only thing on his mind consistently was Jinki and their little girl. He was scared they were hurt or that he would do something wrong and cause them harm. Jinki didn’t know anything about the project for he made sure that he never brought work home with him. Why in the world did they take them? Why not him instead?

\-----

            Jinki’s attention was taken from Gwiboon when there was a series of knocks coming from the door to the right. The leader got up from his chair and pushed it open slightly. Jinki could only see a little of the person standing behind the door from his vantage point and how little the door was open, but he made out what looked like high heeled boots. The voices were soft and almost too quiet to hear, but he caught the person behind the door saying, “Food has arrived.”

            The door was opened a little more, but only enough for the leader to take a huge brown plastic bag from the person before the door was shut and locked. The man’s eyes fell on Jinki as he started to walk away from the door. “I figured you’d be hungry.”

            Jinki squinted at him, “I’m not eating that. I don’t know what you put in it.”

            The man laughed, “You’re smarter than I gave you credit for. Here, if I eat some would that make you more comfortable?”

            Slowly Jinki nodded his head. The man opened the white styrofoam box and with a plastic fork grabbed a piece of meat and scooped some rice on top of it before shoving it into his mouth. Jinki waited until he had swallowed it and a few minutes had passed before he agreed to take the box of food from him. He didn’t eat any until he was sure the time limit for the different poisons effects to happen before he began to eat. Gwiboon stayed sound asleep in his arms as he used one hand and the side of his leg to make sure the box didn’t move away from him as he ate. He couldn’t figure out what the leader’s motives were or what his plans were. Not long before he believed he would be killed after project waternew was delivered to him, but why feed someone you plan to kill later? It just didn’t make any sense at all.

\-----

            Jonghyun’s eyes drifted to the picture frames on the bookshelf to his left. The time on the clock told him he still had 34 hours left, and until the program worked through the first two levels of firewalls there was nothing he could do but wait and worry. He pushed up from the table and walked over to pick up the middle picture frame with shaking hands. A small smile curved on his face when he saw the image. It was their first family portrait the day they met Gwiboon for the first time. He placed the photo back to pick up another. It took him a moment to place the image to a memory, but when he did his heart ached. It was of their engagement. Jinki looked so happy, pressing a big sloppy kiss onto his temple as he took the photo showing off his new ring. Four years married believing they had so many more ahead of them and all of it may be ruined because he decided to get involved in stupid secret government business.

            The photo was set back onto the bookshelf and the last in the row was picked up next. It was their lab photo from the introduction to chemistry their freshman year. A little laugh flew past his lips as he remembered everyone going toward Jinki when the professor told them they could choose their lab partner for the year. They knew what he got on the first two tests and wanted him to help them pass the course, but Jonghyun could see the memory vividly as if it happened only yesterday. Jinki had smiled and bowed his head to the people who approached him as he grabbed his things and wiggled past them to find Jonghyun on the other side of the room to ask him to be his partner. Jonghyun knew it was Jinki who was the reason he passed that damn class.

            He returned the photo and quickly walked into the adjoined kitchen to grab a water bottle. He knew drinking water only meant eventually taking time from his deadline to use the restroom, but his head was starting to hurt from staring at his screen for so long. He twisted the cap open as he walked back into the room to sit back in front of the laptop. The bottle was set to the left of the computer after he had finished taking a swig from it. The percentage bar was only filled 34 percent, and he sighed as he watched his formula working in the background trying to hack into his job’s two main firewalls.

            His wedding ring was twisted nervously around his finger and when he noticed he was doing it he could only stop and look at the gold band. Around the metal was a little heart and ‘to the moon’ engraved into it’s surface. He had snorted so hard when he had seen it in the little box Jinki had held out for him when he went down on one knee. Leave it to Jinki to reference their first real date years later when he proposed. All Jonghyun had was love for his family, and a little bit of hope that Jinki’s faith in him would get them through all this.

\-----

            When Gwiboon starting wiggling in her sleep and her little nose scrunched up as soft whimpers began to sound from her Jinki knew she was either hungry or needed to be changed. He touched her diaper to figure out which if not both she needed and figured the first thing to try was changing her diaper. She didn’t fully scream when she woke up, not when she was still being held by her Daddy. She still was upset as he laid her down on the changing mat and cleaned her up. She rubbed her eyes with her tiny fist as JInki finished pulling the little adhesive tabs onto the main part of the diaper and buttoned up her onesie again. After wiggling on her pants and making sure her hat was still on her head all the way he picked her up and settled her against his shoulder. The blanket was thrown over her as she nuzzled into him. He made soft little shushing sounds as he patted her butt to make her fall back asleep hopefully. It seemed to be working as the grip of hers on his shirt lessened in strength. Once he was sure she was asleep again he ventured to ask the leader across the room from him, “What’s Project Waternew?”

            The man slowly lifted his drooping eyes and moved them over to him. His voice was hazy and deep as he asked, “You really have no idea what your husband worked on the last 3 years of his employment?”

            “When he accepted the job he told me it came with a very high degree of secrecy. I was okay with that.” He gently patted Gwiboon’s butt as she slept, but his eyes were on the other man.

            “Well, Project Waternew was commissioned by some high up guy in the government to allow quicker access to certain databases that took days sometimes weeks to get clearance to look at. Your husband was brought in on the project because of his work with catching hackers with special coding and hacking them. Kind of like catching a mouse with cheese so to speak. Well, he turned out to be far more valuable and headed the project, under a supervisor of course. The program now with a touch of a keyboard enter key can hack into any database, company, a federal organization, and grants access to even the most top secret files the government has on computer hard drives”

            Jinki blinked at him, “How do you know about this? If it’s so secret.”

            The smile that formed on the other man’s lips was unsettling. “Because I used to be his boss.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time is slowly running out, until there's no more left.

              “I didn’t know there had been a change of faculty.” Jinki calmly replied as he ran his finger over Gwiboon’s cheek.

              “I’m not exactly something they are proud of.” The leader replied. He stood up from his seat to walk over and kick Kyuchul in the leg. “Go get coffee oaf.”

               “Yes, sir!” The big man was out of the door as quick as possible. The leader took the man’s spot on the floor, straight across from Jinki. So close if they straightened out their legs their feet would touch. It made Jinki uncomfortable and on edge.

               “They wanted to use the program for “good”, whatever that really means. The government told us that the project was meant to help prevent hackers getting into secret government stuff. It was meant as a precaution in a way. If someone or a foreign country managed to get through the program was to be enacted and the party responsible would be tracked and found. I voiced with my superior that another use could be to hack another government and find out their secrets and it seems that’s exactly what it was really supposed to be used for, but they couldn’t tell us because many civilians much like your husband wouldn’t have gone for that. They didn’t appreciate me asking questions and they replaced me. They thought since the project hadn’t really started it’s development that no one would believe me if I blabbed about it. I haven’t said a word about it, but with that type of power I could hack bank accounts unseen, drain accounts without an alarm going off until it was too late, and no one would be able to trace the transaction.” The leader smiled big, almost creepy, as he said, “You won’t tell anyone my plan will you?”

              “Of course not.”

              “Good boy.” The smile was definitely creepy.

              Jinki just held on to his sleeping baby girl and tried to not think about how this all was going to end.

\-----

              Time seemed to be running as slow as it has ever done, but also so quick if he blinked it felt as if a minute had passed. The loading bar was at 96 percent, which meant soon the formula would stop working and his manual work would begin until it was time to hack into firewall 7. He didn’t know how he would manage to get through that last firewall just yet, but he had to. There wasn’t going to be a reason that he didn’t manage to get through that damn protection to get the files he needed and plant the virus onto the mainframe to delete all evidence and work pertaining to Project Waternew.

              Jonghyun’s skin was tingling with nerves as his fingers tapped on his thighs. Hunger gnawed at his stomach, but he wasn’t going to take time away to get food. His throat was dry, but he wasn’t going to go get water. Water meant needing to go to the bathroom, and that meant time taken away from his mission. Those 5 minutes could mean him succeeding in getting his family back unharmed or being handed them dead or beaten. His eyes flicked up to the screen when he heard the ding and his fingers were spread out over the keys a moment later moving through the code he needed to get through the next firewall. He was caught between thinking of Jinki and his smile, and his baby girl’s happy laughter and pushing them out of his mind. Having them there was motivation to get through, but it was also a reminder that he was doing this, they were in danger, because of his employment choice. If not for him they wouldn’t be in this position.

              He decided pushing them out of his mind was the best option. He drowned himself in the code flashing across the screen. His glasses were slipping from his nose, and he took a second to push them back before he was continuing where he left off.

              There wasn’t room for mistakes.

              32 hours to go.

\-----

                The sun had risen about an hour ago and Gwiboon was laying on his thighs, holding his hand. Her tiny hands were trying to twist and pull his wedding ring off, and his lips curled into a soft smile every time she pouted when it wouldn’t come off. She’d look up at him with such big eyes, so much like her Pa. Through the night he had gotten a few hours of sleep. He tried to stay awake, but sleep tugged him into its dark clutches until he’d wake up in a panic that they had taken Gwiboon for him, but each time she was sleeping soundly in his arms. He was tired and hungry and he missed his husband. He wanted to be at home cuddled with him in bed before he would be forced out of bed by Gwiboon’s screaming. He wanted to feel Jonghyun wiggle back into him because of how warm he was, to smell his hair from his shower the day before, and to hear his soft noises of sleep. Instead. he heard a train in the distance and a car pulling up the gravel outside. His back hurt from his position against the wall, but he couldn’t risk laying down and rolling on Gwi.

              “Pumpkin that’s Daddy’s.” She blinked at him before turning back to try and twist it over his knuckle. She had her little tongue out of her mouth and he could see her tiny little teeth forming in the front of her mouth. Then the pout was there and she was looking up at him like it was all his fault. He looked through the diaper bag with his right hand to find something to put the ring through and luckily found a spare shoelace. He had stopped questioning things the second month they had brought her home. He wiggled his ring off and slipped the shoelace through it before handing it to her. The end was tied as she focused on the ring with fascination. She happily gurgled as she held the ring with two tiny fingers and her thumb, waving it around in amusement.

              His hands protectively went to her when the door was opened and they didn’t move from her as the leader walked toward them. Jinki snatched the diaper bag closer to himself when the man reached for it. “What is in here you don’t want me to see?”

              Jinki squinted at him. “It had the things I need to take care of my daughter. I don’t want you taking them.”

              The man hummed as he kneeled. Jinki tugged Gwiboon to his chest but kept his knees up. “I told you the babe will not be harmed.”

              “I’m sorry if I can’t exactly trust you.”

              He straightened and looked down at them, “You’re a good father.”

              Jinki wasn’t sure if he’d be good enough at the end of this.

 -----

  
              Jonghyun’s wrists were beginning to ache from being held in the same place for about an hour. Firewall three was simple enough to get through. He figured that the designers thought not many would get through the first two, so why make the third one more difficult than it needed to be. He also figured that they would think again once he was done. Firewall four had different coding, a completely different style than the first 3, and that told him it was a different person behind each. If the pattern continued getting into the last firewall would be more difficult. He was hoping they were similar enough a formula could be made to quicken the process along, but if they were made by different people with different styles a formula couldn’t be made because there wasn’t a pattern to follow.

             It was becoming painful to hold in his pee, but he had to make it through firewall 4 before running to the restroom because if he stopped now all his work would disappear. That was time he didn’t have to waste. The little picture on the top right of his screen telling him how far into the building’s firewalls had the fourth section almost all the way filled. As soon as the sound dinged, he was pushing from the table and running down the hall. His chair slammed into the wall from the force he pushed it back with. When he returned he took a moment to take a deep breath, fix his chair and run a hand through his hair.

              4 down, 3 to go.

               And 31 hours to go.

 -----

              Jinki softly chuckled each time Gwiboon hit his tummy with every growl of hunger that sounded. She gurgled and made little sounds as she smacked her palm against his stomach as if scolding it. He had been escorted into the other room to heat up her formula. He was down to two and a half bottles of water used for her formula. When he last changed her he noticed he was down to 8 diapers. That wouldn’t last very long. He had changed her into different clothes after she had eaten and been changed, and he wondered what he did to deserve such a good baby. She never did cry much before, but it was like she understood the situation in her own baby way because no one scream was given from her lips.  

              He was only 28. It seemed odd to him to be so calm and okay with accepting that he was going to die soon, but realizing that his main purpose right now was to get Gwiboon to Jonghyun and make sure he didn’t see any of the people’s face, he figured dying was the only way to guarantee their safety.  He knew too much, and the leader was way too intelligent to let him go free knowing all that he did.  

              Gwi was pushing off his legs to climb up his chest. He held her middle and allowed her to believe she was doing all the work herself. She beamed at him as her hand slapped against his lips, tiny fingers curling in his bottom lip, and she laughed when she tugged. It wasn’t a hard tug, and he didn’t mind. She blew a little air in his face and erupted into giggles when he acted surprised. When he blew a little air back she was the happiest little baby ever as she tried to blow back through her giggles. He hoped she didn’t remember any of this. He hoped she didn’t feel the trauma of all this when she grew up. Her happiness and innocence was something that needed to be protected.

\-----

              His formula used for firewalls one and two could be used in the background of firewall 5 as he worked along with it after a few tweaks. It made the process a lot quicker and easier, but he knew he couldn’t keep up this pace for long. Sooner or later the panic and adrenaline would fade and he’d be alone to his own devices to stay away and keep focused. He still had almost 30 hours left, but if he was going to get through firewall seven he knew it would take him a few hours. That had used his notes to build it, but he knew how well he built it and even being the designer would make it easy. Jinki always did say he was too good at what he did.

              He took a moment to glance at the spare laptop he had dug through the closet for before he had started. It was an old computer, Jinki’s from when he was in med school, and it hadn’t been used in ears since he got the new one when he graduated. It would be the laptop the program would be uploaded to once he was finished deleting everything about the project on every possible computer that could contain something about it.  “Fuck.” He growled as he remembered he still had to design the virus he was going to let loose once he got through firewall 7. The thirty hours was starting to look like even less time.  

              30 hours to go.

\-----

              Jinki wondered if Jonghyun would find the anniversary present under the bed. He wondered if Jonghyun would be able to sleep at night without him. His insomnia always acted up when he had conferences to go too far away. He wondered how Jonghyun would cope without him there, without the calls during lunch, and the hand holding as they went on walks after dinner. He thought about how Jonghyun would probably cry and Gwiboon’s graduation, no matter what she decided to do after. They had been with each other for such a big portion of their lives that Jinki was sure he himself wouldn’t be able to go on if something happened to Jonghyun. He didn’t want to think about leaving Jonghyun to deal with losing him and taking care of their daughter, but he knew it was a high possibility. Especially with the way the leader was looking at him from across the room.

              It was almost the halfway point and from what Jinki remembered Jonghyun would be called here soon to talk about his progress. 18 hours were gone, and while he had every faith in his husband’s abilities there was a lot of pressure on his small little shoulders.

              “Let’s see how that husband of yours is fairing.” The man’s voice still gave him the creeps, but he focused on him still. In his hand was Jinki’s cell phone, and the speed dial was quickly pushed and the phone held up to his ear. It rang once before the call clicked over. “Ah yes hello Jonghyun. How is the work coming?”

\-----

  
              “It’s being finished,” Jonghyun said softly, without emotion, exhausted. He had stayed up the entire night working on breaking through firewall 7. His arms were covered with code and ideas for the virus he was going to unleash, written there as he waited for his programs to work or going to the bathroom when he couldn’t push it off any longer.  The code had just been finished and the virus completed when the phone had rung.

              _“That is great news. I bet your husband is relieved to hear you actually love him enough to do all this.”_

              Jonghyun growled, protective urge beginning to swirl in him at the mention of Jinki, “You have no right to think I don’t love him. I’m doing what you ask of me. Now let me go back and finish. You’re taking my time away from finishing it.”

              “ _Oh, you don’t want to talk to Jinki?”_

              “I-” He did. He did so so badly. He wanted to hear his voice, the warmth and love, and comfort, but he knew if he heard his voice his focus would be shattered and the tears he had been holding back for so long would spill over. “ I will talk to him once I get him back from you.”

              _“Well, I’d hurry if I were you. He’s almost out of diapers.”_ The man laughed, amused, before getting serious again, “ _About 18 hours left. I do hope you manage to finish. I really don’t want to have to dirty my pretty new bullets.”_

              The call was shut off a moment later and Jonghyun hurt his hand from squeezing the phone so hard.  

\-----

              Gwiboon wasn’t appreciating the rationing of her formula very much, but Jinki didn’t know how much longer they would be stuck here and there was only so much left. It hurt him to have to pull her from the diaper bag, little hands moving to pull out the now empty bottle. She could sit up on her own and was beginning to roll and crawl, but he still had to hold her secure so she didn’t tumble off his lap looking for more milk. Her nose was scrunched up and her face was beginning to turn red in frustration, and all he could do was give her his finger to chew on and hope Jonghyun finished soon. Hunger gnawed at his stomach still, but he was fine with the water bottle tossed at him every couple hours by Kyuchul. He could last without food for longer than he could without water.

              He could take a guess that the timer was close to 24 hours gone by the position of the sunlight coming from the window. If he learned enough he could look past the furniture pieces and see out of the window at the bright blue sky. Right now he should be putting Gwiboon down for her nap in her new pajamas that Jonghyun had been so happy to buy her. He should be sitting on the couch and taking a breath before going to make him a sandwich while he called Jonghyun at work because he missed him or because he was running so quickly to get to work he didn’t get to talk to him that morning beside a quick kiss and a call of goodbye. He shouldn’t be sitting in a rundown cottage in hell knows where appreciating all the time he has with his baby girl and living off memories of the man he may never get to tell he loves again.

              It wasn’t hard accepting death, but it was hard to accept never seeing Jonghyun again.

\------

              Jonghyun was going to lose his mind. When he closed his eyes he saw the code. His thoughts were just code and numbers and letters. His body was shaking and he was pretty sure his stomach was growling with hunger, but his mind was so busy he didn’t take notice of it. He was just past the 24-hour mark and his adrenaline was starting to fade. Exhaustion was tugging at his eyelids, but each time they almost won he fought them open again. He would sleep when Jinki was next to him and Gwiboon was between them. Safe.

              He screamed when he finally made it through firewall 7 and moved from his seat so hard and fast his bottle of water fell on the floor.  He groaned as his back cracked as he straightened and his wrists popped as they moved where they were supposed to be.  He scrambled for the haphazard notes full of the virus he had designed waiting for the program to hack through the last few firewalls. He wrote the page number on the top right-hand corner and it took him a moment to gather them all to put them in the right order. His good laptop was sitting in the locked desk at his work, and this old one couldn’t handle much than it was already, so he waited to create the virus until he was done. He had no idea how long the virus would take to go through the network and delete everything having to do with the project. He wanted to make sure there was enough time for it to do its job and for him to shred everything he had at home. He knew for a fact there wasn’t much in print for the department hadn’t managed to switch to hard copies just yet.

              He cracked his fingers a couple times before sitting back down and working on putting in the virus. He made it this far. He’d make it to the end. When the virus was finished and functioning, he pushed enter and the virus was sent through the open firewalls and into the mainframe of his department. A little loading bar appeared to the right of his screen and slowly it began to fill up. It was way too slow for Jonghyun’s liking, so he pushed from the table to go find his files he had hidden from Jinki. The virus didn’t need him. That’s what he liked about viruses. They were silent if constructed right, and lethal with the right creator.

              He found the box under the bed behind the wood barrier. When he had unscrewed the wood paneling and pushed the box under there in the first place he had felt guilty for hiding it from Jinki, but he knew now more than ever that it was a good thing that he had. He tried so hard to keep his family life away from his professional life, but he failed and his family was in trouble. He figured that if Jinki had known anything other than he worked for the government and with computers that there wouldn’t be a chance to get him back. He shimmied a little to reach as far as he could to pull the box out. The shredder in the smaller bedroom they had turned into an office for him. Jinki didn’t do much work at home, so he didn’t need a space of his own.

              Jonghyun took a moment to take a breath as he sat in the big office chair before picking up the first section of the paper to send through the shredder. He had no idea how the man would know he had done this, but he wasn’t going to take any chances. Plus at this point, he had no intention of returning to work. If it was this dangerous to his family the government could fuck themselves.  When he was finished he dumped the paper pieces in a garbage bag and tied it off before heading back into the dining room. The bar was only 14 percent full and time was ticking away.

              15 hours left.

\-----

              Jinki pushed up Gwiboon’s shirt to gently rub her tummy. She was half asleep, little eyes fighting to keep open, but as his hand kept moving over her skin she was slowly losing the battle. If there was a bright side to all of this Jinki knew how much she loved being held and here she was being held for going on 30 hours. His jaw was aching more and more, his right eye’s vision a little blurred with the swelling he knew was happening. His back was starting to hurt from sitting against the wall for so long, and his legs were beginning to fall asleep, but he wouldn’t move. Gwiboon was asleep, and the longer she slept the less she could sense something was wrong.

              He was told that close to midnight they would be moved from this location to the switch site. On one side he was happy that it was getting close because he could get Gwiboon out of here. He was running out of formula and only had a couple diapers left. On the other side, he knew what was waiting for him at the end of this time and he wasn’t completely sure he was ready to say goodbye to his family the closer he got to the switch time. The leader hadn’t been in the room for some time and Jinki wondered where he was. He seemed to like to torment him. Eating food in front of him, drinking cold water when he knew he needed some, and talking about Gwiboon like he wasn’t harming her by threatening him. Kyuchul was asleep against the wall, but Jinki wasn’t going to do anything. Maybe if he was alone, but not with his almost 6-month daughter.  He hoped all this didn’t stay with her even if she was too young to actively remember.

\-----

              Jonghyun felt like screaming as the bar kept slowly filling up. He never thought there was so much on the project in the department’s database, but apparently, there was. It was taking a lot more than he could have ever estimated. He had 4 hours left and 20 percent of the bar to fill up. He had never been confident that he would finish in the time allotted, but this was getting way too close for comfort. If only he knew who was behind all this to tell the police because there was no guarantee they would be left alone after this was all over. And that’s when he got the idea.

              There wasn’t any paper that wasn’t used around him and if he didn’t start writing the code running through his head he’d forget it. So he grabbed the marker and pushed up his sleeve and began to write on his arm. He didn’t want to risk doing two things at once on the computer and it crashes, making him start all over on the virus.  When he was done both his arms were covered in writing, one messier than the other, but it was legible.

              It took another hour to finish deleting everything in his department’s database, and he quickly sent the virus again to make sure everything was covered. When it was done he quickly switched to revising the program he had stolen from the database before the virus was sent out. If his idea was going to work he needed to change a line of code in multiple places throughout the program and he only had a few hours left. Jinki and Gwiboon didn’t have time for him to make a mistake.

              3 hours left.

\-----

              “It’s almost time to see if your husband came through with his end of the bargain.” Jinki didn’t look at the other man as he talked. He focused on how Gwiboon was holding her own bottle and smiled proudly at her. He heard footsteps coming closer and he looked up just in time to see the leader leaning down to him. “Am I not interesting enough for you to pay attention to?”

              “I wouldn’t say you aren’t interesting. I’m just tired of this place. You, him. The guns pointed at my child and I. Would you find this interesting if you were in my place?”

              The man hummed, “You have a point. Good thing I don’t have a family.”  Jinki thunked his head back against the wall as the man started to walk away, but then his hair was being gripped tightly in the leader’s fist, and his head was being tugged from the wall so his face was so close he could feel the other man’s breath on his nose. “When we go to the switch point, you will be quiet and follow what I tell you to do down to the period at the end of my orders. Do you understand?”

              Jinki sneered at him. “Perfectly.”

              His head was thrown against the wall and his vision blurred for a second. He squeezed his eyes shut and put pressure on his eyes, taking turns with his one hand that wasn’t around Gwiboon. He was too busy trying to stop the buzz in his ears to notice the leader dialing a number on the cell phone until he heard him say his husband’s name. “I’m so glad you answered Jonghyun. I do hope you are done with my requirements. Time’s up.”

\-----

              “I am. All papers shredded, files deleted, and program on an empty laptop expect the project. Where am I meeting you to switch?”

            _“Top of the mall parking lot downtown. Any sign of police or law enforcement and I’ll shoot him. Understood?”_

               Jonghyun’s fingers curled in his sweatshirt as he said, “Completely.”

            _“Good. You have 15 minutes. You can guess what will happen if you’re late.”_

              The call was cut off a moment later. Jonghyun took a breath before grabbing his keys and the laptop before heading out of the door and running to the car. He probably looked like shit, but he couldn’t care less.

              14 minutes and 15 seconds left.

\-----

              Kyuchul was ordered to tug him to his feet and push him toward the door by a big hand on his back. His legs were so numb he stumbled a bit, but he caught himself as he held to Gwiboon tight. The diaper bag had been over his body already, packed and zipped earlier because he knew they’d be leaving. He was shoved into the back of an almost windowless white van and not even a minute after the door slammed closed the car was speeding off the gravel.

              He heard the leader’s voice directed at him a couple minutes into the ride, “When we get there I’m going to send someone for the laptop, and once we get it, you’ll both be released. Understood?”

              Jinki's heart quickened, the palms of his hands started to feel calmy as they gently shook in his panic. If they did the man’s plan than Jonghyun would see one of them, and if he saw one of them they had more reason to shoot him and Gwiboon to be without both of her parents. “No, wait. Let me do the trading. The baby for the laptop.”

              The leader squinted at him, “How can I trust you?”

              “I haven’t done anything to risk harm to her. Trust I won’t start now.”

              The man seemed to think about it for a moment before agreeing. “Fine, but know there are guns on you if you do not do as planned. You step out with the baby and you bring that laptop right back. No funny business.”

              “There, switch, right back.” Jinki let out a breath when the man turned away from him.

\-----

              The parking lot was eery this late at night. It was completely empty as Jonghyun drove up to the top. He still had about 5 minutes according to the clock on the radio, but his stomach was still in knots. When he pulled up he turned the car off but kept the lights on. A few minutes later a white van zoomed up the ramp and stopped across the parking lot. Jonghyun thought about driving closer, but then the doors were opening and someone was being pushed out of the vehicle. It took him a moment to realize it was Jinki.

              He quickly unbuckled his seatbelt and grabbed the laptop. The keys were left in the ignition. He walked around the car and held the laptop in both arms as if he was hugging it, but his eyes were on Jinki walking toward him. In his arms was Gwiboon, fast asleep and curled against his chest. As Jinki got closer Jonghyun’s heart dropped. His eye was almost swollen shut, jaw bruises and bottom lip obviously swollen and cut. He still smiled when he finally got in front of him. Jonghyun reached up with a shaking hand to gently touch his eye. “You lied to me. They did hurt you.”

              “If I had told you the truth you wouldn’t have been able to focus to get us home.” Jinki kissed his forehead before pulling away. “There are guns pointed at me right now so I don’t have much time. I’m here to trade Gwiboon for the laptop.”

              “But what about-”

              “Don’t worry about me. Take Gwi, get in the car and drive away. Don’t look toward the van okay.”

              “I’m not leaving you!” His voice rose a little, but JInki quickly shushed him.

              “I love you. I love you so much, Baby. Please.” Jinki took the laptop from him and pushed Gwiboon into his arms. He kissed him once more before pushing him toward the car. “Go.”

               Jonghyun reluctantly turned from him and did as he was told. Jinki didn’t leave his spot until Jonghyun was in the front seat, then he quickly turned around and moved toward the van. He didn’t hear the car move against the pavement, but he didn’t look back. He hoped and hoped Jonghyun would do as he was asked. When he finally made it to the van the leader stepped out of the shadows of the vehicle and took the offered laptop away. He has a smile on his face. “You really were a great dad. Your baby girl is beautiful.”

              Two shots rang out into the cool night air and Jonghyun’s world stopped.


	5. Chapter 5

               The van’s door slammed shut and the tires squealed against the pavement as Jinki rushed to put pressure on the wounds in his abdomen. He staggered back, hands fumbling for purchase on the rapidly bleeding wounds, before falling back against the parking lot pavement. He faintly heard a car door slamming and footsteps pounding on the ground. A voice he knew well, but couldn’t quite place over the blood rushing in his ears drifted to him and was getting louder as the footsteps got closer. A moment later Jonghyun’s face was above him and his hand pushing to hold his head up. “No no no no no Jinki come on we gotta get you to the hospital.”

               “Take your jacket off.” Jinki gasped for breath. Jonghyun seemed to understand and quickly pulled it off to ball it off and use Jinki’s bloody flannel to tie it tight around the two bullet wounds. He groaned as Jonghyun helped him onto his feet. His husband’s hands were steady on his hips keeping him up, and his back was kept straight as he used Jonghyun’s shoulders as a crutch. He was laid in the passenger seat and they were speeding down into the lower levels of the parking lot a moment later.  

               Time meddled together, blurred with the panic tight in his chest as he glanced over at his bleeding husband. Jinki’s breathing was becoming labored and Jonghyun thought about speeding through the red lights. After the second long light, he said fuck it and went. There were no cars around this time at night. He looked over at Jinki when he felt his warm, wet hand curl around his wrist. Jinki took a deep breath and his eyes closed for a second before his eyes flashed open and he fought to say, “Give my ring to Gwi.”

               Jonghyun sniffled hard and croaked out, “What?”

               “My ring. Give it to Gwi.” Then he noticed Jinki fighting to twist his wedding ring off with his blood covered fingers. His hand was going over and smacking his hand away before he could even think about it.

               “No. No, Dammit. You promised, you vowed to me, you’d never take that ring off as long as you live and dammit you-” His voice broke as his emotions overtook him. He looked at Jinki with tear-filled eyes, his anguish present in their depths.

               “Okay.” Jinki’s voice was weak. So soft and lacking it’s usual warmth as his hand came over to hold Jonghyun’s. “Okay.” Jonghyun knew he could handle saying much else. It was a moment later that Jinki’s voice was strong and clear, and it startled the other. “I love you. I love you so much.”

               Jonghyun’s voice was stuck in his throat, but when he looked over Jinki smiled at him. The smile was so soft, so loving and gentle. So Jinki. He knew how he felt was known and that’s all Jinki wanted. When he found his voice he couldn’t say the four familiar loving words. “You’re a dork.”

               Jinki’s head shifted slowly over so he could look at him, but he didn’t tell him why. If Jonghyun knew that Jinki was looking at him so his face was the last thing he saw if he was to lose consciousness, he would lose it more than he already had. His husband had always been emotional and open about how he felt, and he didn’t want to make it worse on him. Jinki’s voice broke as he said, “But I’m your dork.” It was hard to swallow the lump in his throat as he focused on making it the last two blocks to the hospital.

               The problem was as he pulled up to the emergency entrance the grip on his hand was gone. When Jonghyun looked over Jinki’s hand was limp at his side, and his head was rolled forward. His eyes were closed and his chest wasn’t rising and falling with his labored breathing.

               Dread filled Jonghyun’s body as he ran around to scoop Jinki up. He’s never been able to carry him, but he didn’t even think of that as he carried his husband’s limp body into the sliding doors and screamed, “He’s been shot and he’s not breathing. Someone, please… Please!”

               A gurney was pushed out of the thick wooden doors. A nurse and an emergency doctor rushed to have Jinki put on it. Jonghyun felt numb as they pushed him back through the doors, but the thought of Gwiboon still outside in the car forced him to feel something in his limbs. When he made it out of the car his baby girl was awake and fussy. She must have known something was wrong. He flashed her a small smile before closing the passenger side door and popping open the trunk. There were an extra shirt and some Lysol wipes left in there from a couple weeks ago helping Jinki’s brother move into his new apartment.  He tried to scrub the blood off his hands, but no matter how hard he pushed the stained color on his skin remained. He choked back a sob and pulled off his shirt quickly.  

               He slammed the trunk close and slid into the car. He tried not to think of the blood staining the tan interior of the car, or whose it was, as he pulled to find a parking spot. If it wasn't for Gwiboon’s cry Jonghyun wasn't sure if he would have moved from his spot. He turned the car off and swallowed thickly as he saw the blood on the steering wheel from where his hand had held it on the drive over. Gwiboon was lifted from her car seat with her thick blanket and held close to his chest. She calmed down being so close to her Pa.

               When he made it inside the lady at the desk called him over to fill out paperwork about insurance and information about Jinki. He quickly wrote down the blood type he was and his allergies to give it to her. She disappeared through a door and he figured it was to inform the surgeons working on his husband about what to use to treat him. He took a seat as far from the front door as he could be, but with a good view of the thick doors, Jinki was behind fighting for his life. Gwiboon was content being held on his chest and having his hand on her bottom kept her in place sufficiently so he could fill out the paperwork. His hand was almost shaking too much for him to write properly, but he managed to finish what he was required to.  Once he handed the clipboard back to the woman behind the desk she smiled at him and told him he would be notified of any changes for his husband.

               Jonghyun thought about staying and waiting, but he needed to get the blood from his body and clothes and to wash Gwiboon. He pushed off his worries of Jinki and headed to the car again. He couldn’t do anything waiting in the hospital, and his daughter needed him more than his husband at the moment. He could do more for her than Jinki.

\-------

               After putting Gwiboon down in her bed he headed for the shower. The blood was off of his body, but he still felt as if it was on him. No matter how much he scrubbed with his washcloth he felt the burning liquid against him. A sob broke the silence of the shower as his grip on the washcloth slipped and it flew from his hand. All around him was mementos of Jinki. His shampoo and body wash. The stupid decorative towels he wanted that serve no purpose but to look pretty on the railing behind the toilet. Jonghyun stumbled back against the cool wall of the shower that water hadn’t hit and slid down it. Letting the shower head splash against him as tears fell from his eyes and he wrapped his arms around himself. He was scared. Scared of losing Jinki and scared of being the reason behind it all.

               The thought struck him that he should check to see if his fail-safe worked, but the thought was quickly pushed away as guilt bombarded him. It was his job and his choice. It was his program and his work that was wanted. It should have been him that had to pay the price, not Jinki. How could he go on with his life knowing he was the reason his entire life was killed? How could he raise Gwiboon, the little girl Jinki wanted so badly, knowing he was the reason she didn’t have her daddy with her as she grew? How could he take the ring from Jinki’s cool finger and give it to their daughter like he was asked, knowing he was the reason he had to give it to her at all?

               He sat in the tub lost in his thoughts, guilt, and tears until the hot water turned cold and his limbs turned numb from the pain.

 ------

               Once he managed to pick himself up and get dressed he grabbed Jinki’s favorite blanket and his cell phone. He shuffled over to Jinki’s recliner and thought about calling his mother and his brother-n-law, but it was only 3 in the morning and he knew both of them would probably be asleep. Then again, this wasn’t something you should wait until morning to tell people about. The first person he called was Jinki’s brother Taemin. He figured he could talk to him without losing it longer than he probably could with his mother. The younger man probably had classes in the morning, but he didn’t really think about that as he pushed call. Taemin would want to know his big brother was hurt. He picked up after several rings with a groggy, _“Hello?”_

               “Hi, Taem.”

              _“Pardon me Jonghyun, but the fuck you calling me at 3 in the morning for?”_

               “There’s been an accident, and the less you know about it the better, but… Jinki’s been shot.”

 _"What?"_ He sounded a lot more awake and alert, but then his voice softened and he sounded more like the young boy he first met when he and Jinki started dating than the man in his first year of college. “ _Is my big brother hurt Jonghyun?”_

               Jonghyun tried to swallow his emotions, but tears and heartache were bubbling up in his voice as he tried to talk, “He’s in the hospital right now… I....I haven’t got any news. I had to take care of Gwiboon and I couldn’t just-”

               He heard Taemin take a deep breath, “ _I’ll be over at your place soon okay? Take care of Gwiboon.”_

               The call was ended before the soft, pitiful breath of, “Okay,” could be said or heard.

\-----

               Sleep evaded him no matter how many times he tried to go to sleep. Any time he was close to falling asleep pictures of Jinki’s limp form being pushed behind the doors flashed across his mind and all hope of sleep vanished. About an hour later he finally called his mom. Her happy voice on the other line only made his emotions rush forward with more ferocity. _“Hey Sweetie, why are you up so early? Insomnia acting up again?”_

               “Not... Not exactly Mom.” He cursed himself for his voice cracking and he knew almost immediately his mom knew something was up.

        _“What’s wrong, Jonghyun?”_

               “Jinki’s been shot.” His body shook as a cry left his lips, and the one person who was strong, steady and always next to him was hurt and weak being working on at the hospital. “I don’t know if he’s even alive anymore and I can’t live without him and I just what if he’s gone what if -”

              _“Shh. He’s going to be okay. I’ll be right over Sweetie just you wait. Mommy’s coming okay?”_

               “Okay, Mommy.”

\-----

               When Taemin arrived Jonghyun was just glad he still had the extra key Jinki gave him sometime before because he really didn’t feel like moving. The younger man took one look at him and went into the kitchen to make tea. Jonghyun could tell that Taemin had been crying recently. He wanted to make the other talk about it, but he knew that would just cause them both to blubber away. Taemin set the cup on the table next to him and sat on the coffee table in front of him. He reached out to lay both his hands on Jonghyun’s feet and his voice was pained as he said, “How bad was it?”

               “2.” Was all he could muster with how hard it felt to speak.

               “2 shots?” Jonghyun nodded. “Was.. was he breathing when you took him in?” A sob was pushed down as he shook his head, tears pouring more heavily at the memory. “Hey, hey it’s okay. He’s a fighter. He fought for me, and for you and Gwi.  He’ll be okay. We have to keep hope.”

               Jonghyun wished his hands would stop shaking so much.

\-----

               He got the call from the hospital a little after 6 in the morning. His mother had arrived shortly before and he hadn’t moved from his spot curled into her side since she arrived. He looked like a small child, even if she was smaller than him. The sound of the telephone ringing startled all of them, but him the most, as he rushed to grab it. He stumbled over the blanket wrapped around him and a couple of Gwiboon’s toys that were left out from a couple of days before. His voice sounded horrible as he answered, “Hello?”

_“I’m calling for Jonghyun Kim about Jinki Lee.”_

               “Yes, yes, what about him?” Dread filled him as he waited for the worst outcome he could expect to be told to him.

            _“The surgery on your husband was just finished and he’s currently stable and resting. If you’d like to see him he’s in room 105.”_

               Relief ran through him at the words. “Oh my god thank you.”

      _“You’re welcome, sir. Please have a good day.”_    

\-----

               His mother stayed with Gwiboon as Taemin drove him to the hospital about two hours later. Jonghyun wanted to make sure that Gwiboon woke up to see one of her parents and that she was okay before leaving. Seeing the blood in his car gave him an uneasy feeling in his stomach and he’d rather not relive it more than he already was. The hospital was a lot more packed than the night before. There were a lot of visitors at this time of day, but Jonghyun’s heart was thumping so loudly in his ears he didn’t have much attention for them. Taemin was a few steps behind him as they entered Jinki’s room. Jonghyun swallowed thickly at the sight before him. Jinki was hooked up to so many machines. Looking at anything, but his face made his stomach turn in knots. His torso was bare of any clothing, but his skin was covered with gauze and bandages. There was an IV in his arm and a breathing mask on his face. With shaky hands, he reached up to gently squeeze Jinki’s left hand. He pushed his emotions down as he pushed up on his toes and pressed a kiss to his husband’s forehead. “I love you.”

               He focused on playing with Jinki’s fingers as Taemin stepped close to talk with his brother. Jonghyun wanted to give him some sort of privacy and didn’t pay much attention to the words. He played with Jinki’s wedding ring and frowned when he noticed the little bit of blood still under the metal. He moved it enough to wipe the dried blood off before returning the ring back to its rightful place. There was a soft smile on his face even with the tears falling down his cheeks as he ran his thumb along Jinki’s jaw. “You’ll be okay Baby. You’ll wake up and show me that pretty smile soon.”

               He hoped he could start believing that himself.

\-----                    

               The roses in the two vases by the window were soft under Jonghyun’s fingers. With the new vase he brought today he wanted to adjust them a little to the two vases didn’t push together and hide a rose or two. Jinki was still unconscious in the bed, but the oxygen mask was removed the day before and he was breathing on his own.

               “You know Baby this room could use a little light,” Jonghyun said as he walked to pull the curtains open a little. He smiled softly over at Jinki. The doctor had told him that talking to him would help him come out of his slumber, and Jonghyun had to believe it was working even if it was slow.

               Jinki’s hand was warm as Jonghyun wrapped his fingers around it. He pulled the seat closer with his foot around the leg of the chair.  The bandages on his chest had recently been changed that morning, and the bruising around his lip and cheeks had gone down.  “Gwi keeps looking for you. She’s not used to me being there when she wakes up to pick her up.  So you need to wake up so you can be there for our baby girl.”

               He pressed his lips to Jinki’s palm and kept them there for a moment.  He just withdrew slowly when the beeping of Jinki’s heart monitor began to quicken. A spark of hope filled his heart for just a moment that he could be waking up, but that shattered just like the world around him as the monitor increased and the line signaling Jinki’s heartbeat changed dramatically.  He looked toward the open glass door of the hospital room toward the nurse’s station in panic as he moved to shove his palm on the distress button. He only let go of Jinki’s hand when the nurses rushed in and they were pulled apart.

               He covered his mouth and nose as the first sob left his throat when the nurse called for a crash kit and the line started to flatten. No… no, he couldn’t lose him so close to getting him back.

               The moment the beep broke the silence Jonghyun could breathe again. He knew if Jinki hadn’t come back it would have been the last time. The doctor was ready to pronounce time of death. The people left the room once he was stable and Jonghyun stumbled over to take his hand again. He kissed Jinki’s forehead softly, keeping his lips there for a moment, and eyes squeezing shut as he pushed the man’s hair back with his free hand.

               “God, you scared me.” He mumbled, Jinki’s hair soft under his hand as he kept his movements going. “You have to come back after that. You have to make it up to me by waking up Jinki.”

\-----

               Jonghyun was trying to feed Gwiboon the applesauce sitting on the table in front of him, but she wanted nothing to do with that. Her eyes were on her Daddy unconscious on the bed before them. Her little fingers and chubby little limbs kept reaching for him. With a sigh, Jonghyun gave up on feeding time and moved closer to the bed. He lifted Gwiboon so she could sit next to Jinki, and he softly handed her the man’s hand. She made a soft noise before she was pushing up to try and get to her spot. Jonghyun was quick to scoop her up before she could do any damage. “Baby you can’t lay there right now.”

               The little girl just wailed and wiggled to get to her spot. Jonghyun frowned deeply as his baby girl kept making a fuss. She was too young to understand any of this. She missed her Daddy and wanted to lay in her spot. It wasn’t her fault her spot was where Jinki had been shot. “I’m sorry Pumpkin. His tummy is out of the question.” His heart broke with each tiny wail from her.

               A little sigh flew past his lips as he lifted her up to face over his shoulder and headed toward the door. He needed to calm her down and he knew that wouldn’t happen to see her spot and not being able to be there. Just as he was about to turn out of the room two finely dressed men were turning into it. They stopped just quick enough to not collide. Jonghyun rose his eyebrow at the two men and turned so Gwi was further away from them. “Excuse me.”

               “Actually are you who brought Jinki Lee into the hospital?” The man on the right spoke.

               “Yes,” Jonghyun hesitantly answered, “What is this about?”

               “The hospital is required to report certain injuries. Gunshots are one of them.” Both men moved their suit jackets to reveal their badges. “I’m Detective Siwon Choi and this is my partner Detective Minho Choi. We’re here to ask what happened that night.”

               Jonghyun swallowed thickly before nodding, “Can we go somewhere else? I need to get her away from her Dad for a second.”

               Both men agreed and stepped out of the way for him to lead them somewhere else. He picked the little snack room on the level. There wasn’t anyone else in there and there were a couple tables they could sit at. Once he had Gwiboon situated on his leg the two men began their questioning. “Who is the man to you that you brought in?”

               “He’s my husband.”

               “Same-sex marriage isn’t legal in this country sir.” The one on the right asked. Jonghyun remembered his name to be Siwon.

               With a tight smile, Jonghyun told him, “We went to a different country for it. It’s not recognized by the state, but we don’t need that.”

               “Do you know who shot Jinki Lee, sir?” Siwon asked, taking over from his partner.

               “Not exactly.” Jonghyun bounced his leg so Gwiboon would calm down. He tried not to think about the fact the man wouldn’t refer to Jinki as his husband. “A couple days ago I was at work at I got a call from my husband’s phone. A man was on the other side and told me I had 36 hours to do whatever he asked of me or my family would die. I did what he asked me to do. My husband traded our daughter for the laptop I was to get them, and after the trade was made they shot him. I never saw him. I think that was my husband’s intention, to begin with.”

               “Why didn’t you contact the police the moment you were contacted?”

               “I was told if I did I wouldn’t get my family back.” Jonghyun rubbed Gwiboon’s belly softly. “I did what he asked of me and I didn’t get my family back in one piece. I recorded all of our conversations if you need them for evidence or something.”

               “That would be great thank you.” Siwon flashed a smile as he scribbled something on his notepad. Jonghyun didn’t care enough at the moment to try and see what exactly.

               “If you don’t mind me asking,” Minho spoke up again, “What did he ask of you?”

               “Well,” Jonghyun paused to think how to explain it to them without breaking all the confidentiality agreements he signed. “I can’t tell you specifics. I’m legally bound not to; however, what I can tell you is that I work for a section of the government and he wanted the project I was working on.”

               “So you gave government property to a criminal?” Siwon asked, eyebrow raised and pen poised against his notepad.

               Jonghyun didn’t like the tone of voice or the question. His nostrils flared as anger filled his chest. “He had my husband and my baby girl. Do either of you have children, a family? Are you telling me you wouldn’t do whatever they told you if it meant getting who you loved back? There’s a tracking signal in the program. A fail-safe I put in before giving it over to him. If he uses it, you’ll be able to catch the signal. I routed it to the station’s IP address.” He stood up and hoisted Gwiboon to his hip. “Now if you don’t have any more questions for me I have to go see if my husband is awake yet.”

               “I only have one.” Siwon replied as he too stood up, “Can you tell us anything about the place the trade happened and of the car they got away in?”

               “It was on the top level of the mall’s parking garage downtown. I only saw the outside of the vehicle. It was a white van, like a painters van. The only windows it had were the front two doors. My husband made it very clear for me to not look too hard at them. I guess he didn’t want them coming after me for knowing who they were.”

               “Thank you for your time, sir. I hope your husband wakes up.” Minho bowed his head and took followed his partner.

               Before they turned the corner Jonghyun called out. “The plates were probably stolen but I remember the first 3 digits. FLD.”

               Siwon scribbled it down on his pad and the two men disappeared around the corner. Jonghyun sighed and looked down at Gwiboon. “Let’s go see if Daddy is awake before Uncle Taemin comes and gets you.”

\------

               He wasn’t awake when they returned to the room. Taemin showed up about twenty minutes later. He kissed his brother’s forehead and talked to him for a minute before putting a big smile on his face and swooping over to take Gwiboon. Once the baby girl was on her uncle’s hip Jonghyun mumbled, “She’s upset she can’t sit on his belly.”

               Taemin looked at him with knowing eyes. “She’ll get her spot back when he wakes up and the stitches are healed.”

               “I know, but she doesn’t know that.” Jonghyun sighed and pushed a hand through his hair. “I just want her to understand why he won’t answer her. She touches his hand and makes her noises for him and I just see the light go out of her eyes when he doesn’t move.”

               “He’ll wake up Jonghyun. You just have to have faith.”

               “It’s just hard.” He kissed Jinki’s knuckles before turning toward Taemin, “Want to go get coffee?”

               “It’s so gross here though.”

               “If you put enough cream and sugar in it you’ll never know.”

               Taemin hummed. “True.”

\-----

               He was returning from going to get coffee with Taemin before he left to put Gwiboon down for a nap and the chill of the hospital felt like it was going to the bone.  He wondered if Jinki was cold and if he should ask the nurse for another blanket for him. The thought was bouncing around in his head as he returned to the room. The sun had set just a little beforehand and the soft colors of the sky made him feel slightly warm in a cold place. He sipped his coffee slowly as he turned to walk toward his chair by Jinki’s bedside. He expected to see what he left about an hour before. Jinki looking as if he was just peacefully sleeping, but when he looked up there were soft eyes gazing at him.

               Jonghyun felt like his heart was lodged up in his throat as he pushed his coffee cup onto the table next to him with a shaking hand. Jinki’s hand was lying with his palm up, held out a little from his body where Jonghyun had left it. His lips were barely open and his voice was weak and pained, but the soft word was the most beautiful thing Jonghyun had ever heard. “Baby,”

               Time kind of melded together as Jonghyun rushed over. He was soft with Jinki as their fingers curled together and he pressed a kiss to his forehead. His lips stayed there as his other hand came up to cup his jaw. He felt a soft touch on his arm and looked down to find Jinki’s hand gently curling around him. “God, you scared me.”

               “Here.” Jonghyun could tell it was taking all the little strength his husband had to speak. The one word could mean anything to anyone, but he knew what it meant. Even as weak as Jinki was he wanted to remind him he was there and that he wasn’t going anywhere.

\-----


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinki begins to heal, realizing that his physical scars aren't the only ones that need healing.

            The bed was lifted so Jinki could sit up. His pillow behind his head was recently fluffed up and the fabric was soft against his cheek as he turned to look at who he heard coming into the room. A big smile spread across his face when Gwiboon came into his vision. She was safe and warm in her blanket carried in by Jonghyun. He couldn’t hear what his husband was whispering into her ear, but her little eyes found her daddy across the room and a small noise left her lips as her chubby limbs started to wiggle. Once Jonghyun was sitting in his chair next to the bed Jinki gazed at them after moving to lay his left cheek against his pillow. He was still weak, but he was slowly getting his strength back.

            Gwiboon was sat on the bit of bed next to him and Jinki moved his hand to gently poke her in the tummy. “Hey Pumpkin.” His voice was soft and deep, and her eyes widened as her fingers curled around his hand. She was fascinated with his wedding ring once again and Jinki had to swallow down his emotions at the thought she wouldn’t have to live with it being the memory of her daddy.  She pushed off and attempted to get up onto his chest and stomach, and Jonghyun was quick to scoop her up.

            With a soft laugh, Jonghyun sat her back down, a hand around her middle and the other giving her a little support on her back. “She kept trying to do that while we were waiting for you to wake up.”

            Jinki looked so guilty as he gazed at his baby girl. His hand came up to move his thumb over her cheek. “I’m sorry, sweetie. Not yet.”

            She didn’t understand, but they didn’t expect her to. At least this time Jinki was there to play with her. She gnawed on his fingers as he softly smiled at her. When it was snack time Jinki was very adamant about feeding her. He was carefully turned onto his side slowly, and she was laid in the crook of his arm. The bed took most of her weight and there was a pillow put between Jinki and her wiggly little legs. The nurse was very helpful and understanding in their request.  The bottle was just about finished as her eyes began to flutter closed and it was when Jinki pushed the bottle onto the table that Jonghyun saw the tears in his eyes. Gwiboon’s cheek was softly grazed with Jinki’s fingers as she gently slept against him.

            “Baby, hey. What’s wrong?” Jinki didn’t look up from his daughter’s face when he replied.

            “I never thought I’d get to hold her again. Never thought I’d get to see her fall asleep because she’s full and never thought I’d be able to see her again.” It was then his head lifted and he locked eyes with his husband. “Either of you.”

            Jonghyun reached over to squeeze the man’s fingers that were on the girl’s tummy. “But you did. We didn’t lose you.”

            He let Jinki hold Gwiboon until visiting hours ended and he could tell the pain was getting a little too much for him. He pressed a kiss to his lips and ran a hand over Jinki’s hair with a smile. “I love you Jonghyun.”

            “I love you Jinki. I’ll send the nurse in. Call me if you’re feeling up to it.”

            “I will.” Jinki laughed when Gwiboon wouldn’t let go of his finger. “Goodnight to you Pumpkin.”

\-----

             _“Did you find the extra car key?_ ” Jinki softly said through the phone.

            After checking on Gwiboon one last time Jonghyun climbed into bed and hugged Jinki’s pillow close to his chest. “Yeah. Taemin drove it home. We had to keep the doors open for like most of the night though because there was so much spoiling stench.”

          _“I’m just glad it’s all in one piece. It’s almost paid off.”_

            “I miss you being home Baby.”

            “ _I miss being home,"_ A soft chuckle traveled through the speaker. "Jonghyunie.”

            “You’ll be home soon. I’m sure of it.”

            _“I can’t keep down much food Baby. They need to keep an eye on me in case of serious complications. I won’t be home for some time.”_ The man sighed, “ _I just want to forget it. It’s so hard to.”_

            “Jinki..”

            _“I keep waking up from nightmares, looking for Gwi in my arms, panicking because she’s not and thinking they took her away from me while I slept, but then I’m not there anymore. I’m here in the hospital and the pain is just too much sometimes and I want to forget.”_ Sadness was dripping from his voice. Jonghyun could tell he was crying and his heart clenched wanting to be there with him. _“I keep thinking they’ll come back. That they’ll come back and finish me off when they realize they failed in shutting me up and I don’t want to die. I’m fighting so hard to be with you and Gwiboon and Taemin and I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want them coming back.”_

            “Oh, no Baby they aren’t coming back. The police will get them I know they will.”

            _“I know you’re probably right Love, but that doesn’t stop my hands from shaking and my heart stopping every time my door moves.”_

            “Maybe... Maybe you should talk to someone Jinki.” Jonghyun curled his fingers around the covers over him. “You went through a traumatic experience. It’s understandable it changed you mentally.”

 ****_“I can barely tell you all this and I can tell you everything Jonghyun._ ” Jinki sucked in a huge breath, “ _How could I possibly tell a stranger?”_

            “It’s often a little easier to tell someone who doesn’t know anything about you other than what you tell them.” He mentions softly. “The doctor in you knows that.”

             _“Mmm, a little. I’m a little frazzled right now though.”_

            “Try and get some sleep. I’ll be on the phone all night Baby.”

            A sigh of relief left the man on the other line. “ _Thank you. I love you._ ”

            “I love you too.”

            _“Sing for me?”_

            “Any song request?”

             _“You sing a mean twinkle twinkle little star Baby.”_

            “Okay,” Jonghyun softly smiled, wiggling a little to get comfier after pulling the switch on the bedside light. “Twinkle Twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky. Twinkle Twinkle little star. How I wonder what you are! When the blazing sun is gone, When there's nothing he shines upon, Then you show your little light, Twinkle, twinkle, through the night. Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are! In the dark blue sky so deep. Through my curtains often peep. For you never close your eyes Til the morning sun does rise. Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are.” Jinki’s breathing even out and soft snores filled the speaker. With a soft chuckle, Jonghyun closed his eyes and listened to his entire world snore into his ear.

\-----

  
            The next morning Taemin came to visit him. He had seen him in passing, but the boy never stayed very long. Jinki figured it was hard for him. He was never good with words or his emotions, and he understood that, but he wished to see his baby brother. He was just finishing the puddling the hospital allowed him to eat when the man hesitantly knocked on the half-ajar door. “Jinki? You up?”

            “Mmm come on in.” He placed the empty cup and spoon on the table in front of him and smiled when he saw his brother. “Taeminnie!”

            “You’re looking better,” Taemin mentioned as he pulled up a seat.

            “They’re letting me try solid foods.” He stared at the pudding cup for a moment, “Well kind of solid foods. They aren’t quite sure what my stomach can handle.”

            “At least it’s chocolate.”

            Jinki hummed. “True.”

            Silence fell between them for a moment or two before Taemin spoke, “How are you feeling?”

            “Better. The doctor stopped by and talked to me when I was more coherent. He was kind of relieved I knew the technical terms as he explained where the bullets hit me and what I have to look forward to in recovering completely.” He flashed a tiny smile. “Jonghyun got me here just in time before my stomach acids got into my bloodstream.”

            “I’m glad he did.” Taemin’s voice was very soft, and Jinki knew him too well to not notice the difference in it.

            “Hey, Taemin. Look at me.” When the man did his eyes were big and bright, but tears were forming on his lashes. “I’m here. I’m okay.”

            Taemin swallowed thickly. “I know that. I know. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come to see you I just.” After a deep breath, he continued. “I couldn’t face you knowing you almost died. I would have been a blubbering mess.

            “You’re never a blubbering mess Taemin.”

            “I was the night I got Jonghyun’s call,” Taemin confessed, emotions tugging him deeper. He let out a little mocking laugh before wiping his eyes. “It’s not every night you’re woken up and told your big brother’s been shot and wasn’t breathing when he got to the hospital.”

            “C’mere.” There wasn’t much space on the side of him, but it was enough for Taemin to gently curl along his body and nuzzle his cheek into his brother’s shoulder. “I love you Baby Brother.”

            Taemin didn’t say anything as his emotions overtook him for a moment, fingers curling into the hospital gown, and Jinki’s hand sure on his hip. It was then he gasped out, “And I love you, Big brother.”

            A kiss was pressed to his hair and Jinki ignored the aching pain for a moment.

\-----

            Taemin only slipped from the bed when Jonghyun arrived with Gwiboon sometime later. Jinki kissed her little cheek and fixed the socks on her feet when she was sat by his side.  Jonghyun pressed a kiss to his husband’s temple before sitting on the little edge of bed next to him with his arm around his head. Gwiboon tossed her stuffed duck off the edge of the bed with a happy little yell and Taemin bent to pick it up as her dads laughed at her.  It was when he straightened and handed the animal to her that the two men walked through the door with a soft knock against the doorframe. Only Jonghyun recognized them. He picked Gwiboon up and turned to Taemin, “Mind taking her to see the garden in the middle of the floor?”

            The young man glanced between his brother, the two men and his niece being held out to him. He gently took her into his arms with the duck pressed between her and his chest. “I’m only a call away.”

            “Thank you.”

            Once he slipped between the two men Jinki turned his head to Jonghyun. “Mind telling me what’s going on?”

            “Ah, yes we haven’t met before.” The man on the right spoke first. “I’m Detective Minho Choi and this is my partner Siwon Choi. We came and asked your husband a couple questions about the night you have shot a few days ago. We were wondering if you were feeling up to answering a couple yourself.”

            Jinki’s fingers twitched a little against the white of the sheets and the blue of his blanket. “I’ll try my best to answer with what I remember.”

            Siwon smiled, “Thank you.”

            They stepped closer into the room after Minho closed the door softly. He was the one that asked the first question, “Can you tell me as much as you can remember from that day? Starting with how you were abducted.”

            “I went to the grocery store I always go to. We need a lot of things for the house and I was putting our daughter in her car seat and the gun was pressed into my back.” He cast a little look over to Jonghyun. It was the first time he heard any of this. “They threatened to hurt my daughter if I made a scene or tried to get away. They threatened to take Gwiboon away from me and when I wouldn’t give her up they knocked me out. When I woke up she was screaming for me as they beat me. As they asked me questions about a project I knew nothing about. They were going to hurt her to make me talk, thinking I wasn’t being honest with them. I gave them my cell phone to save her.” He reached for his cup of water on the table and gently sipped it before beginning again. “I spent 36 hours accepting I was going to die when it was all over. I had an afternoon’s worth of water and formula in the diaper bag, not enough diapers, but I knew too much and when I traded the laptop for Gwiboon they shot me as soon as the laptop was out of my hands. I don’t remember much else.”

            “Did you hear any names?” Siwon asked softly.

            “Kyuchul was the muscle of the group and the leader,” His voice trailed off as he looked up at Jonghyun hesitantly. “I didn’t hear his name, but you might know him Jonghyun.”

            “Why would I know him?”

            “He said he was your old boss,” Jinki confessed.

            A soft gasp left Jonghyun’s lips. “No, no, it couldn’t be.”

            “I’m sorry Love.” He found Jonghyun’s hand and he curled their fingers together.

            “What was his name?” Minho asked, breaking their eye contact.

            “Chanseok. Chanseok Lee.” Jonghyun muttered, disbelief lancing his soft words. His eyes lifted then as he asked, “Did you get my signal?”

            “Yes, we have a location but considering the circumstances our prosecutor needed more evidence to back your claim before the arrest warrant was put out for him and his colleagues. I believe you’ve given us just that.” Minho flashed a big, warm smile before turning to Jinki. “Do you think you could identify them if needed? Testify even?”

            Jonghyun could see how uneasy Jinki felt just by the shift in his body language. “Identify them yes. Testify…. if only absolutely needed for a conviction. I can’t… can’t go back there.”

            “Understandable,” Siwon said as he put away his notepad. “Thank you for answering our questions.”

            “I hope you have a speedy recovery, sir,” Minho added before bowing and leaving the room.

            Jinki seemed to deflate as soon as the door closed behind the two men. It was like he sensed Jonghyun wanted to ask him his own questions when he laid his head back with a sigh and closed his eyes. “Please just bring me back my baby. I’m tired.”

            Jonghyun swallowed thickly before smiling. “Of course. I’ll be right back Baby.” Jinki watched him walk out with slumped shoulders and a guilty feeling descended over his heart.

\----

            Before he left for the night to take over Gwiboon from Taemin Jonghyun always liked to make sure Jinki’s pillows were where he wanted them and anything he could want later was in his immediate reach. A soft kiss was pressed to his cheek after Gwiboon was taken from him. “Call me later okay?”

            Jinki smiled, fingers twitching on his blanket, “Of course.” His hand moved to wiggle Gwiboon’s leg, “You be a good girl Pumpkin.”

            Before he left Jinki called out, “Can you make sure there’s someone outside…The police officer.”

            Jonghyun flashed a warm smile before nodding, shouldering the baby bag.  He popped his head back in and softly said, “He’s right outside. Do you want the door closed?”

            “Yes please.” Jinki’s fingers curled tightly around his blanket. “Thank you.”

            “I’ll be back early afternoon Baby.” Jonghyun smiled before leaving the room and closing the door behind him. Jinki sighed, tension leaving him just for a moment as he stared at the door. He knew the shadow moving under the door was probably the police officer or one of the hospital staff, but he couldn’t stop thinking that it was Them coming to finish him off.  

            He laid his head back and closed his eyes, trying to take back his mind from over thinking, but all he saw flash into his consciousness was the darkness of that cabin they were held in. His eyes snapped opened, hand rushing to reach over as his fingers fumbled for the switch. His breathing only slowed when the lights were flipped on.  He glanced at the phone on the table next to him, wondering if Jonghyun would answer if he called so soon, or if he was okay to do so. When the shadow of the IV stand caused his heart to stop momentarily his palm hit the curve of the phone and he was quickly punching in Jonghyun’s cell phone number.

            “ _Baby, hey, what’s wrong?_ ” Jonghyun’s voice was slightly out of breath,  _“I just pulled out of the hospital.”_

            Jinki licked his lips and fumbled for the right words before he finally gasped out, “Is Taemin still staying with us?”

_“Yes, Baby he wanted to make sure you were okay before returning to school.”_

            “I… I need you to come back.” Jinki’s eyes fluttered closed and he sucked in a deep breath, “I can’t do this I need you here.”

_“Baby.. hey what’s wrong?”_

            “He’s gonna come back… I know he’s gonna come back and I…” His voice was trembling, hands beginning to shake, “I don’t want to die.”

            “ _Okay Baby, I’m going to get off the phone for 2 minutes to call Taemin to tell him you need me okay?_ ”  Jonghyun’s voice was warm and comforting, “I’ll be back in 30 minutes.”

            “Okay.. okay,” After a deep breath Jinki mumbled, “Thank you.”

            “ _I’m always here. Love you.”_

            “Love you too,” Jinki whispered before the call clicked over.

—--–

            Jonghyun got there in about 20 minutes, climbing into the bed to curl into Jinki’s side as soon as his coat was pulled off and his shoes were kicked from his feet. After he was settled Jinki whispered, “I’m sorry.”

            “Don’t be,” Jonghyun softly said as he looked up at him with a small smile. “No one will hurt you, Baby. Not when I’m here.”

            Jinki swallowed thickly, “Promise?”

            “Completely.” Jonghyun squeezed Jinki’s hand resting on his hip. “Try it get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

            With a deep breath, Jinki closed his eyes. “Okay,” voice soft and vulnerable as he tried to get lost in the familiarity of Jonghyun pressed against him. It was a normal night, cuddled with his husband, everything is okay.

            Sleep came soon, and while he woke up for a few nightmares he couldn’t remember entirely, Jonghyun was there with soft, tired eyes, and a warm kiss to the forehead, each and every time. His voice always gentle and understanding, even though Jinki knew he was completely exhausted.

——

            In the morning Jonghyun woke up after him, but Jinki didn’t mind holding him. For a little while, he had something else to focus on besides the possibility of them coming back for him. When Jonghyun finally opened his eyes there was a sleepy smile on his face, but soon his eyes widened as he rushed to become more awake, “Jin-Jinki is everything okay?”

            “Yeah,” Jinki breathed out softly, fingers moving over Jonghyun’s hip gently. “I’ve been up for a few hours.”

            Jonghyun’s eyes were squinting against the light, even as dim as it was, “What time is it?”

            “Mm a little after eight I think.” Jinki rubbed his thumb under Jonghyun’s eyes to move away his sleepies. “When the nurse came in to check on me I sent for breakfast for us.”

            “They allowed you to get me some?” Jonghyun asked voice muffled as he snuffled into Jinki further.

            “I can only handle unflavored oatmeal and some soups right now Babe, they can handle an extra waffle and eggs for you.” Jinki pressed his lips to Jonghyun’s temple for a moment, eyes fluttering closed as he took a deep breath through his nose. Then he softly confessed, “I miss this.”

            Jonghyun hummed, “We’ll have this back soon Baby.”

            “It’ll never be the same, Babe.” Jinki’s fingers tightened on his hip, “I’ll always have a scar, I’ll always be worried if they’ll come back I… I’m not the same man Jonghyun as I was before this.”

            “You’re right, you aren’t the same man, but it’s not a bad change. It’s not a change I don’t love just like I did before, I love you more Jinki.” His palm skimmed over his jaw, up into his hair, and he gave a small smile. “You protected our baby girl, so willing to protect me. God Baby, I love you so much.”

            “Jonghyun…”

            “My mother is going to take Gwi from Taemin today, so you have me all day.”

            “You didn’t have-”

            “Yes, I did.” He pecked his cheek before sitting up to stretch fully, smiling widely over at him. “You need me here. It took you a lot to call me last night, I know, so I’m making sure you don’t have to call more than across the room.”

            Jinki’s eyes were a little glossy, and Jonghyun cooed a little as he moved to wipe the tear spilling over his lashes.

——

            Just after lunch, Jinki laid back for a nap before the nurse came in to check how the stitches were healing. Jonghyun had kissed his hair, whispered a soft be right back, before slipping out of the room to call his mother to see how Gwiboon was doing. It wasn’t long before a nightmare gripped at Jinki’s subconsciousness, filling him with fear and flashes of memories morphed into something even more terrifying. He shot up from his pillow, pain exploding throughout his middle at such a fast movement, but his eyes were frantically looking for his baby girl that never was there. His breathing was quick, chest rising and falling rapidly as he looked around for Gwiboon. His heart was heavy with dread. They had her, they had his baby girl, he failed to protect her. He had to find her.

            Except when his feet hit the cold floor of the hospital room his knees gave out, and he came crashing down. Jonghyun rushed in, eyes wide with panic as he searched the room for the source of the crash. His heart was in his throat when he found Jinki, legs wrapped up in blankets being pulled from the bed, body sprawled on the floor, and sounds of pain rumbling from his throat. He rushed over, kneeling down to push Jinki’s hair out of his face to see if he was conscious, “Baby, Baby hey look at me, There you go. What were you thinking?”

            “Gwi, they have Gwi I gotta,” Jonghyun pressed him down with a palm flat on his chest.

            "Gwi is with my mother Jinki.” Jinki fought against his restraint, so Jonghyun’s voice lost Gwi“it’s softness. “Jinki she’s with my mother.”

            After a moment Jinki looked up at him, confused and hurt, “Jonghyun?”

            Jonghyun sighed softly before moving his arms under Jinki’s armpits. “Hold on, let’s get you up so they can see if anything is wrong.”

            Jinki was silent besides the soft noises of pain as he was moved, and once he was on the bed, feet hanging off the side, Jonghyun asked again, “What were you doing?”

            “I don’t want to talk about it,” Jinki grumbled.

            “Jinki you could-”

            Jinki eyes snapped up to him, growling out angrily, “I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

            Jonghyun swallowed thickly, and nodded his head, slowly withdrawing from his husband. After he licked his lips he softly said, “I’ll get a nurse to check you over.” The pain throbbing around his body was nothing compared to the pain in his heart seeing Jonghyun look at him so hurt as he was then as he left the room.

——

            Luckily enough nothing was seriously hurt on Jinki. His hip was a little bruised, much like his ego, but his stitches were all in order still, and it didn’t seem like he pulled anything from healing properly in his abdomen. He was leaning back in his bed, blanket over his legs, eyes closed as his fingers tapped on his lap, and he didn’t take notice of Jonghyun until he heard the door slide close. “Can... Can I come in?”

            A stab in the heart was what the question was. It was as if Jonghyun didn’t feel welcome anymore like he wasn’t needed as badly as Jinki felt he was. “Of course Jonghyun.”

            Jonghyun shuffled over on unsure steps and stood by the side of the bed. “Can I sit on your lap?”

            With a soft nod, Jinki took his hands off his lap. Jonghyun was careful as he threw his leg over Jinki’s thighs, and leaned back to press against them. Jinki’s hands naturally moved to Jonghyun’s hips, but they stuttered as they got close. He was unsure if he was allowed to, so he just let them fall back onto the bed. “I’m sorry,” Jinki whispered oh so quietly. When he looked up again his voice was louder, “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

            “Oh Baby,” Jonghyun was so warm and soft as he cupped his jaw, “You need to talk to someone. Something is wrong. The nightmares, the flashbacks… how quickly you’re angered. This isn’t you. Jinki I love you, I know you so well. Whatever happened in those 36 hours, changed something in that head of yours, something I cannot fix. Something that this floor cannot fix. You’re mending here,” His palm was gentle as it pressed against his hospital gown, but then it was moving to push into his hair, “But what you need is mending here.”

            Jinki’s bottom lip trembled, hands shaking a little as he looked at his husband and admitted, “I didn’t want to worry you… I thought I could work through it, but,” He swallowed thickly, sorrow entering his voice, “I just want it to stop. I just want it to go away.”

            “I don’t think this is something that can go away like other pain can Baby,” Jonghyun wiped Jinki’s tears gently, “But it can be treated, to try to make it lesser… livable.” Jinki sucked in a breath harshly, “I’ll call someone, and when they come if you want me in here I’ll be here holding your hand, but if you feel more comfortable without me there I’ll step out.”

            “You would?”

            “I want to help you not be so afraid what’s waiting when you close your eyes, or when the lights are turned off.” Jonghyun slipped from his lap to lean up and kiss his lips softly. He was curling into his side when Jinki spoke again.

            “Thank you.” It was so quiet it was barely heard over the sounds of the hospital floor just outside the door. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinki is released from the hospital and they start to adjust to their new lives.

             Jonghyun looked between Jinki half sleeping on his shoulder and the woman stepping through the room doors. He flashed a small smile as he softly asked, “Are you, Dr. Ann?”

 

             “Mhmm, we spoke on the phone,” She smiled as her eyes shifted to Jinki, “You said to meet at one right?”

             “Yes, sorry,” Jonghyun’s hand was soft as it moved over Jinki’s jaw, voice quiet and somewhat muffled as he spoke against his hair, “Hey, Baby, wake up. The psychiatrist is here.”

             Jinki made a little noise of protest, but soon he was lifting his head from Jonghyun’s shoulder and rubbing his eye with his knuckle. When his eyes focused on the woman, he squinted slightly. A soft sigh left his lips as he ran his fingers through his hair, “Oh, right. I forgot that was today.”

             “I’m Dr. Emma Ann, I specialize in trauma-related disorders. From what I’ve heard from your husband you’ve been through an ordeal. I’d like to help you.” She smiled warmly. She was an elderly dark-skinned woman, and by the lines of her face, he could tell she smiled quite a lot. She reminded Jinki of his mother in a way. Her graying hair and loving aura might have something to do with that. “Is your husband going to be joining us in our session?”

             Jinki ran his tongue over his lips and was quiet for a long moment before his hand was shaking. His voice was almost a whisper as if he was ashamed of it. “No.. I want to do this alone.”

             Jonghyun squeezed his hand, kissed his temple and mumbled, “Trust her and open up. I’m right outside the door when you need me.”

             After softly mumbling I love you Jonghyun slipped out of the room and closed the door behind him. He could hear soft murmurs from inside, and while he was curious about everything Jinki went through and how he felt about it, his chest was warm because Jinki was getting the help he needed. Jonghyun took his attention away from the quiet noise and looked around the hospital floor. Most people here were in recovery, and no one was in life-threatening condition. There were a couple nurses at the desks in the middle of the room just to the left of him, and a family was getting off the elevator just past it carrying balloons and soft plushies. They turned left out of the elevator and disappeared around the corner. He was just about to check his phone when he noticed the other elevator doors opening, and stepping out was Detective Minho. Their eyes connected and the man smiled warmly before heading over. He took notice of the closed door with a raised eyebrow, “Is now not a good time to follow up?”

             “Ah, with me, yes, but my husband is in treatment at the moment.” Jonghyun pushed off the ground and brushed off his hands, “Where’s your partner?”

             “Waiting downstairs,” When Jonghyun looked confused the man continued, “I told him that if he couldn’t hold his personal views back and be nice I’d do it alone. I’m sorry about his comments.”  

             Jonghyun was slightly confused for a moment before it clicked. “Ah, no it’s okay. I’m quite used to it.”

             “Still doesn’t make it okay, used to it or not.” Minho’s phone vibrated and he pulled it out with an apologetic smile as he read the text message rolling across the top of his phone. Apparently, it wasn’t important being as the phone was put back into his pocket and he was smiling over at Jonghyun. “The reason I am here though is to inform you personally that we have them in custody. I wanted to ask would it be possible for your husband to come down and identify them.”

             “Is that necessary?” Jonghyun’s fingers twitched a little at his sides, “I just, he’s trying to work through being pushed back to where they took him and what they did to him, and I’m scared that seeing them will make it worse.”

             “While we can charge all of them with possession of stolen property, and with it being government property, it’s still  going to be difficult to get a change of kidnapping and attempted murder without your husband’s assistance and testimony.” Jonghyun swallowed thickly as the detective explained. “I wouldn’t be asking it if wasn’t necessary to get a proper sentencing.”

             “I’ll,” He took a deep breath, “I’ll talk with him. No promises.”

             “Thank you.” With a warm smile, he nodded his head toward the door, “I hope the treatment goes well.” Then he was walking back towards the elevator and Jonghyun was left thinking about how he was going to bring this up to Jinki without causing him more pain.

**——**

             When the door opened again Jonghyun rushed up off the ground. Dr. Ann flashed a smile before heading toward the elevators. Curious, he walked in. The sight of Jinki dabbing his eyes with a tissue caused an ache in his chest. He was just about to ask what happened when the man smiled wide at the sight of him and lifted his hand, “C’mere.”

             As soon as he was holding his hand he pressed a kiss to Jinki’s knuckles. “How’d it go?”

             Jinki sniffled and laughed a little, “She said that while she doesn’t want to diagnose me so soon, that I’m showing signs of Acute stress disorder. I have another session on Thursday.”

             “That’s.. That’s good Baby. It’s a starting place,” He wrapped his arm around Jinki’s shoulders and smiled softly when the man leaned against him. He ran his hand through the back of his hair, “When you feel comfortable enough to tell me what happened, I’d like to know.”

             After a moment Jinki’s sleepy voice sounded, “I’m not sure when that’ll be Babe.”

             “And that’s okay. I’ll wait however long,” A kiss was pressed to his hair, “What comes first is you feeling better.”

             “How’s Gwi?” Came Jinki’s next question.

             “My mother is bringing her up here so we can all have dinner together,” He explained, “She made you special soup.”

             “What makes it special?”

             “It’s the vegetable one you like, and the veggies she said are very soft and low on spice to help you keep it down.”

             “I’ll have to tell her thank you,” Jinki’s head shifted as he tried to get as comfortable as he could with the little movability he had still. “I miss having chocolate chip pancakes.”

             “As soon as you can handle it I’ll make you a dozen.”

             Jinki’s eyes were barely open as he played with Jonghyun’s fingers in the space where their thighs touched, “If my calculations are correct they’ll tell me I can leave after my session on Thursday.”

             “And why’s that?”

             “The stitches on the surface are healed, now we’re just waiting for the ones in the muscles to heal, and I can do that at home as long as I have minimal movement.” He hummed, “I’ll need help moving around, so I don’t pull them too tight trying to move, and I won’t be walking around much, but I’ll be home.”

             “It’d be great to have you home again,” He was smiling as he whispered, “Then I can give you a sponge bath and not that old lady.”

             Jinki snorted, “I’m pretty sure it’s nothing like it used to be.”

             With a noise of displeasure, Jonghyun wiggled gently so he was the one looking up, “Hate to break it to you but I love you for more than the body you had.”

             With a hum, Jinki lifted his hands to play with Jonghyun’s hair. “You need this trimmed.”

             “Way to change the subject,” Was said with a soft laugh, but then his eyes were fluttering close as Jinki pushed his fingers against his scalp.

             “I’m good at it.” As the silence fell between them, guilt bubbled up in Jonghyun. He didn’t want to shatter the soft happiness they were experiencing, or the period of time Jinki was able to relax, but he knew he had to bring up what Minho said now. He knew he couldn’t handle keeping it for any longer.

             “Detective Minho came by during your session,” Jinki’s eyes were warm when Jonghyun opened his own and looked up at him, so attentive. “He came to say they got them, Baby.”

             He could see the tension leave Jinki’s body, and he hated that he was about to ruin it. Jinki seemed to notice the shift in Jonghyun’s expression and softly asked, “Hey, Jonghyunie… you don’t look happy about it. What’s wrong?”

             “They,” His throat felt dry, his words too thick on his tongue, it was like he couldn’t breathe. “They.. they need you to testify.”

             Jinki’s skin paled, “What?”

             “To get them charged with kidnapping and attempted murder as well as the robbery charges they need you to testify in court.”

             “Jonghyun- I,” Jinki’s breathing was quickly elevating, pupils dilating and hands shaking.

             “Baby look at me,” Jonghyun’s palms were warm against his cheeks. “Think of our song, breathe in when I sing, and breathe out when you do.” He softly hummed the melody as Jinki’s eyes fluttered closed. His hand was curled around Jonghyun’s wrists, as he tried to follow the words in his head to calm his breathing. “Like that, good Baby. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

             “I know… I know.”

             “I didn’t want to tell you because you were just beginning to get help to get out of your head where he was haunting you and I didn’t want you to testify and take 3 steps back when you hadn’t even taken a full one forward yet toward recovery.” Jonghyun sighed, “I wouldn’t have said anything if I didn’t fully believe it was the better of the two choices. I want him and his people away for life, I want you to feel safe again. I want you to be able to be alone and not think he’s gonna come through those doors to finish the job or take Gwiboon away from you.”

             “Just…” Jinki’s eyes were closed long enough for him to take a deep breath, “Can you just hold me and sing for me until your mom and Gwi get here… I..I need to think about it.”

             Jonghyun returned to his position where Jinki could lean on his shoulder heavily, arm instead behind his back to curl on his hip, and lips brushing his ear. His voice was soft as he began to sing their song. His heart hurt a little when Jinki whispered his part, but his fingers squeezed a little harder on his hip at the sound. Jinki just held his right hand with both of his tightly.

**——–**

 

             Friday afternoon Jinki signed his discharge papers and was carefully helped into a wheelchair. Jonghyun was holding Gwiboon as the nurse pushed Jinki to the waiting car. As they rode down the elevator he was gently jiggling the baby girls leg, causing her to squeal and wiggle. Jonghyun took the keys from the valet and put Gwiboon in her car seat. Jonghyun had been driving Jinki’s car because his still had stains from the night he drove Jinki to the hospital. He thanked the nurse for helping them before standing in front of Jinki. The man bent his elbow, and crossed their arms, and slowly pushed off as his feet were planted flat on the ground. They took it slow, little steps toward the car with Jonghyun’s hands tight and sure on his hips. He kissed Jinki’s cheek and handed him the stuffed bear his friends from work brought him a couple days prior. “You feeling okay?”

             “I’m fine Babe, thank you.”

             Jinki spent most of the ride home staring out the window. Trot was softly playing, mostly to keep Gwiboon content, but also a way to try and make the older man happy. When they got home Gwiboon was taken and put in her bouncy seat. When Jonghyun returned to the car Jinki slipped from the seat slowly and was grateful for how his husband swooped under his arm and took a lot of his weight. “Where do you want to go?”

             “Recliner. I want to watch Gwi.”

             Jonghyun smiled softly and opened the door so Jinki could take the small step into their home. “Can you stand here while I go get your pillows?”

             With a nose scrunch Jinki nodded, “Just be quick,” And he was. Two big pillows that always laid against their headboard were laid along the back of the recliner, and a smaller one for under his knees was placed on the coffee table before he was rushing back to help Jinki to the seat. The man seemed to sink into the plushness with a pleased smile, “Thank you.”

             “It’s my pleasure.” Jonghyun kissed his lips softly before going over to lift Gwi from her bouncy chair and place her on the play mat on the floor in front of the tv set. The little girl stared at her toys above her for one moment before rolling onto her tummy and pushing up onto all fours. Her little limbs carried her purposefully toward Jinki in the recliner and he laughed fondly as she tried to reach up to him.

             “Oh, Hi Pumpkin.”

             “She’s missed you here.”

             Jinki’s voice saddened, “I know. I just want to give her her spot back.”

             “And you will,” Jonghyun said softly as he scooped her up and lifted her so Jinki could kiss her cheek. “A couple more weeks right and it’s all hers again?”

             “2 to 4 weeks.”

             “Let’s hope it’s two, for both our sakes.” Jonghyun held her at his hip. “She doesn’t like my tummy as much as yours.”

             “I’m softer.”

             Jonghyun placed her in the playpen and smiled over at him, “That you are Baby.”

\----

             The water was hot, steam coming up from the surface into the cool air. The bathroom door being open didn’t help that very much. Jinki had his head back against the thick towel Jonghyun had folded up for him after helping him into the bath. The temperature helped relax some of the tension in his body and the soft wave soundtrack playing from just inside their bedroom both worked to detox him in a way. The cd was given to him by his therapist, as a way to calm his anxiety, about two weeks ago when he went in for his session and to check how his stomach was healing up under the skin. Bubbles covered his legs and stomach, as requested. Seeing the scar reminded him, and it was easier to relax when it was covered. He was so lost in his thoughts and trying to do the same to the waves crashing against his consciousness, that he almost missed the soft sound of the tiny bell they clipped on Gwiboon’s shoulder now that she was up and about. Jinki couldn’t follow her as closely, or as quickly anymore, so the bell helped Jonghyun find her when she left Jinki’s line of sight.

             He shifted his head to the right and a soft smile pulled at his lips when her tiny little pigtails bounced just past the edge of the door. When she lifted her head up, her eyes were wide and searching. It took her a moment, but she found him and crawled until she was in the middle of the door before plopping back on her butt and giggling.  “Hi, Pumpkin.” Her hair was still wet, new onesie on her, and he could smell her baby lotion all the way from where he was. “Did you run away from Pa?”  

             A string of happy bubbly noises came from her and Jinki laughed softly, grimacing a little at the shot of pain that traveled through him. When she tried to walk onto the tile flooring of the bathroom she pulled her hand back quickly with a scrunched nose. It was hard for him not to laugh at her, as she tried again with the other hand only to find the same result. She looked up at him and whined as if it was his fault.  “Oh, Sweetie.”

             Just as he was about to call for Jonghyun he heard his husband's soft mutters, and the “Ah hah, there you are you little wiggle worm.”

             As he scooped her up Jinki smiled, “She is your daughter. If she wasn’t wiggly I would question her origins.”

             Jonghyun stuck out his tongue and bounced her on his hip. “I was trying to get her to sleep, but she wouldn’t have it so I thought letting her crawl a little would tire her little butt out…. But obviously, I lost her for like a second.”

             “She’s quick for such stubby legs.” Jinki softly said as Jonghyun softly sat with her on the floor just outside the bathtub. Her hand smacked against the porcelain of the tub and when Jinki placed his hand near her’s she was quick to curl her fingers on both hands around it. She tried to pull it toward her, but being as heavy as it was with his elbow still in the water, Jinki had to move it for her. With a raised eyebrow he followed where she was tugging until she had his knuckle between her gums. “Am I only worth what part of my hand you can chew Pumpkin?”

             Jonghyun pushed at Gwiboon’s cheek and made a high pitched voice as he said, “Why no Daddy, worth much more.” The man beamed over at his husband, and Jinki almost completely melted.

             When Jonghyun moved to take Gwiboon away and Jinki’s hand was let free, he lifted up to push through Jonghyun’s hair with a soft, “Come back?”

             “Twenty minutes tops.”

\----

             Once Jinki was helped out of the bath and dressed in his pajamas Jonghyun went to get his sleeping pills and a glass of water.  Jinki smiled as they were dropped into his palm, but instead of taking them like normal he put them on the bedside table and looked up at Jonghyun. “Is something wrong Jinki?”

             “I’ve been thinking,” Jinki ran his tongue over his lips, “And talking with my therapist the last couple weeks, and she thinks that I’m ready to tell you all that happened.”

             Jonghyun swallowed thickly before gently sitting on the edge of the bed, “But do you think you're ready to tell me?”

             “Ye-yeah,”

             “That doesn’t sound very sure Baby.”

             “Sorry,” Jinki shook his head and smiled over at him, “Yeah. I’m sure. If you want to hear it.”

             “Of course!” Jonghyun was careful to climb over his legs and wiggle under the covers. He was unsure about where he was wanted, but then Jinki lifted his arm with a smile and Jonghyun melted into his side gently.  

             Jinki’s hand was slightly shaking as he grabbed Jonghyun’s wrist and lifted his hand over to rest just on top of his scar. A little gasp left Jonghyun’s lips as he moved to take his hand away. He knew what the scar meant to Jinki, what touching it meant, but Jinki’s hand kept it there. His lips were pressed just above his ear in his hair, eyes fluttering closed for a moment before they opened when he spoke, “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. I know you blamed yourself, I know you still do, but the only thing you have to take credit for is getting me through this. You’ve always been my strength Jonghyun, lately, you’ve just taken more of a burden.”

             “Jinki…”

             Jonghyun’s fingers were soft and hesitant as he moved over his skin. Jinki’s voice cracked right at the beginning, but he recovered, “I’ve been dealing with my scars, physically as the one under your fingers and mentally… and I want to apologize for how your feelings have been ignored.” He pushed his fingers into Jonghyun hair on the back of his head, “While I almost died, and lost you and Gwiboon, you almost lost me. You would have had to live a life raising Gwiboon with the memory of me over your head and the blame I know you have dripped into you. I’ve been selfish, you deserve far more and better than I have given you.”

             “No.. Jinki it’s okay. You were recovering.”

             “Doesn’t make it right Babe.” A soft kiss was pressed to his head, “I was about to put Gwiboon in her car seat when the gun was pressed into my back. I keep thinking about what would have happened if I had been quicker if she had already been buckled in. I think about how she would have been in that hot car all alone, for I don’t know how long, and I think about how I wouldn’t have been able to trade her for the laptop, and you would be in danger because you saw them.

             “I was so scared that they would take Gwiboon away from me, that I couldn’t protect her if she wasn’t in my arms, and when I finally got to the place I barely was able to stop myself from falling on her when they knocked me out on the back of the head. They beat me,” Jinki swallowed thickly, eyes squeezing shut as he tried to get through this. “Gwiboon was screaming in another room. I didn’t know if they were hurting her, or if she was just scared.. If she heard me each time they hit me and that it increased how afraid she was. They kept asking me questions, about a project I didn’t know about, and they threatened to have Gwiboon hurt. I was desperate... I couldn’t have them hurt her.

             “I spent the entire time thinking I was going to die. I had accepted it. I was just focused on getting Gwiboon to you and protecting you from them. I was willing to die for you and her, and I’d do it again. I can’t get their faces from my head, the screams of Gwiboon from the other room, the way you looked above me when I got shot… when he touched Gwiboon’s cheek. He touched my baby girl with his filthy hands… I…” Jinki’s breath shuddered as he fought his sadness from coming up completely, “I thought about you a lot while I was waiting for you to finish getting them what they wanted. About that trip to Korea you wanted when Gwiboon was a little older, the memories I would miss out on. I keep thinking about what this experience will do to Gwiboon. Will she be scarred just as much as me? I don't want our baby girl plagued by this. I don't want our lives defined by my failures." 

             "What failures, Jinki?" Jonghyun sniffled, ignoring the tears dripping from his chin, "You kept our baby girl alive. You protected me and you survived all they did to you. Those aren't failures." 

             Jinki gently caressed his cheek as Jonghyun smiled. "I thought I'd never get to see how beautiful you are when you smile." 

             Jonghyun's smile widened, a soft chuckle leaving his lips, “But you did… you will.”

             With a gentle smile Jinki held Jonghyun’s face, “I will. Every time you look at me with as much love as I feel for you, it reinforces everything I did was worth it….you’re worth it, our life is worth it. I love you Jonghyun. I may be a little broken and rough around the edges, but your love will soften me like it always has with time.”

            He swallowed slowly, tongue coming out to wet his lips as he stared up at Jinki. “I can’t wait until you can handle weight on your stomach.”

             A smile was slowly spreading across Jinki’s face, “I miss you plopping on me too.”

             “But this will do,” Jonghyun mumbled as he laid his head on Jinki’s shoulder and squished his cheek against him. “This will do just fine.”

             Jinki’s lips were soft on Jonghyun’s hair, but they stayed there as his eyes slid closed.

\-----

             When the smell from the kitchen hit his nose Jinki carefully stood up from the bed after wiggling on his slippers. Gwiboon was bouncing in her swing hanging in the door frame leading into the living room, giggling up a storm with her little legs working to propel her as high as she could. He ran his hand over her head of hair softly before moving his eyes to his husband moving around the other side of the room. Jonghyun beamed brightly when he took notice of him, a skillet in his hand as he worked to flip whatever was in it. It took Jinki a moment to realize they were chocolate chip pancakes. “I promised didn’t I?”

             “Babe~” Jinki softly breathed out as he moved over to wrap his arms around Jonghyun’s middle. The smaller man leaned back against him gently, sweet smile on his face. Jinki kissed his neck with a brush of his lips, “You didn’t have to.”

             “I know,” Jonghyun let the pancake fall onto the plate on the side of the stove before pouring more batter into the skillet. “I’m just really happy you’re home and healthy now.”

             Jonghyun could almost feel his smile against his skin as Jinki said, “You and Pumpkin will love this, but you’re safe to lay on my stomach.”

             “Really!?” Jonghyun turned quickly in his hold, a bright smile stretched upon his face, as he wrapped his arms around Jinki.

             A warm kiss was placed on Jonghyun’s nose. “Mhm. Meant to tell you last night, but I was exhausted.”

             “I’m not sure who’s gonna be more excited,” Jonghyun gazed over at their baby girl, “Gwiboon or Me.”

             “Definitely me.” Jonghyun snorted as Jinki groaned, “Do you know how much I miss sleeping on my stomach?”

             “You can be a burrito again.”

             “You can do your job of being a jetpack more seriously.” A moment later Jinki whispered, “Jonghyun?”

             “Yes Baby?”

             “You’re burning the pancake.”

             “SHIT.”

             Jinki gave him one more kiss to his cheek before slipping over to get Gwiboon into her highchair. She nuzzled her cheek into his shoulder and sucked at her thumb. Jinki just held her for a moment, enjoying having her so close, and when he placed her in her chair he kissed the top of her head. “Daddy loves you Pumpkin.”

             She gurgled, but that was enough of a reply for him.

\-----

             Jonghyun was brushing his teeth when Jinki came to lean against the doorframe. “Hey,”

             He smiled through the reflection before dipping his head to spit, “Gwi go down okay?”

             “It was a lot easier now that I could hold her.” Jinki’s eyes fluttered a little as he yawned, “I’ve been thinking though about the case.”

             The toothbrush was turned off and Jonghyun spit into the sink again as he turned to look at his husband, “What about it?”

             “Testifying.” Jinki’s eyes showed just how tired he was. “Detective Minho called today and told me they need to know by Thursday morning if I’m going to or not, or the trial will be scheduled for next week without a witness.”

             “Do you want to?”

             “Not really,” Jinki gave him a tiny smile, “But what’s a few minutes of hell for a lifetime of feeling safe?”

             Jonghyun walked over and gently wrapped his arms around him, face pressed into his chest. As Jinki’s arms surrounded him he softly said into the man’s chest. “I’ll be there every step of the way.”

             “Thank you.” Was whispered into his hair as Jinki hugged him tightly.

\-----

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They begin to prepare for the trial and how it'll effect Jinki's recovery.

            The marble floors of the courthouse made the numerous people’s footsteps echo in the huge dome ceilings. Jinki nervously played with his rolled-up shirt sleeves as he waited for Jonghyun to get back from asking the police officer along the wall where the office of district attorney Sooyoung Choi’s office was. Jonghyun’s face was warm and smiling as he weaved through the bustling crowd. His hand was sure on Jinki’s waist as he got close enough to be heard, “He was very nice. He gave me a map and everything.”

            “That’s great.”

            Jonghyun guided him toward the nearby wall to stand in front of him. His hands were on either side of Jinki’s face. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

            There was a little quirk of the corner of Jinki’s lips. “Anxious.”

            “We don’t have to do this.” Jonghyun squeezed his hip, “We can turn around and go get Gwi into your arms.”

            “No, I have to do this.” His eyes fluttered closed and he took a deep breath. “Mind humming in my ear for me?”

            Jonghyun’s smile was slow as he wrapped his arms around Jinki’s neck and pushed up to press his lips just before Jinki’s ear, and hummed gently. Jinki breathed along to the notes, calming himself down the way he worked with his therapist. Once his heart stopped racing so hard he pressed a kiss to Jonghyun’s hair and squeezed his side with a whispered, “Thank you.”

            They slowly found their way by following the map. The door was closed when they arrived so they sat on the two plush seats along the wall. Jonghyun checked his watch for the time every so often until the door opened to reveal a tall, slender woman in a pantsuit. She smiled as her eyes fell on them, Dr. Lee and Kim?”

            “Yes Ma’am,” Jinki stated as he stood up and offered his hand. “Thanks for meeting with us.”

            “No, thank you.” She stepped back to open the doorway up, “Come on in, we have a lot to talk about.”

            She walked around the desk and took a seat. There were two chairs before them and once they were sitting within them she pulled out a manila folder from her drawer. “So Detective Minho Choi has told me a lot about you, Dr. Lee. He thinks very highly of you.”

            “Ah, I just did what I had to.”

            “It takes a lot to testify in front of the man who did what the defendant did to you.” She took a sip of her coffee from the mug on the desk, “Would you like anything to drink? I have water, coffee…”

            “No, thank you for the offer, though.” Jinki gave a tight smile before asking, “You seemed urgent on the phone to start preparing me even though the trial isn’t scheduled for another 2 months.”

            “Ah yes, I wanted to make sure we had as much time to prepare you for what you’re going to have to deal with while on the stand.”

            “You make it sound like there’s more than what I’m expecting right now?”

            “Because there is. When you are on the stand they are going to try very hard to make it seem that you are an unfit witness.” Jinki frowned over at the county prosecutor. Sooyoung Choi was one of the best prosecutors in the country, but he didn’t like where this was going.

            “What do you mean to make me seem unfit?”

            “If they manage to make you seem unfit then we lose the core piece of evidence.” The woman sighed as she laid her manila folder on the table between them. “You went through a traumatic experience and are dealing with the scars they left. I understand that, but they’re going to use your mental illness to make you seem like an unstable witness and make your testimony susceptible to criticism.”

            “I don’t understand.” Jinki sat up straight in his seat, brow furrowed as he tried to process everything.

            “The jury and the defendant are going to look at you throughout your testimony for any signals that what you are saying is a lie or that you are hesitating. If you are up on the stand and start to sweat, heavy breathing, or an accelerated heart rate, they are going to think that it’s because you are trying very hard to lie.”

            “Are you telling me they’re going to try and trigger me?”

            Sooyoung’s lips were pressed into a thin line as she replied, “Yes. For all intensive purposes, they are.”

            “That can’t be ethical,” Jonghyun stated bottom lip pulled through his teeth in worry.

            “It isn’t,” Sooyoung sighed gently, “I am here to prepare you for your testimony. You have to try your hardest to not let what they say and ask get to you. If it gets too much for you, I’ll understand completely if you want to step down. Putting them away is important but I will not let you risk yourself in the process.”

            Jinki swallowed thickly, mind running a million times a minute around the fears screaming inside his head. When Jonghyun gently took his hand he looked over at him, and the smile on the man’s face helped bring him back into focus. “So, what’s the first step?”

            “During the trial, I’ll present the evidence and call on witnesses. We have you, the doctor that operated on you to give a detail of your injuries, and Kyuchul, the man you were with a lot during the time he had you and your daughter. He agreed to plead guilty to a lesser sentence in exchange for testifying.” Sooyoung flipped through her paper for a moment before pulling out a packet. “We’re charging him with first degree attempted murder, two accounts of aggravated kidnapping and possession of government property. I believe our odds are pretty good, especially now that we have your testimony.”

            “How long are you aiming the sentencing to be for?” Jonghyun softly asked after taking a look at Jinki worriedly.

            “We’re trying to the max, most of the chargers can go from anywhere from 15 years to life without parole. It just depends on what verdict we get from the jury and how well your victim impact statement is Dr. Lee.”  

            “When will I testify?”

            “First. I’ll ask you basic questions to establish your credibility. Things such as your name, age, the college you graduated from and employment. Being a doctor will help, people respect medical practitioners.” She smiled and leaned back in her chair, “Then I’ll ask about the day you were abducted and I’ll need you to tell it in as much detail as you can.”

            Jonghyun’s phone vibrated against the table and when he flipped it over he flashed a little smile to Jinki, “It’s my mother I have to take it.” He squeezed Jinki’s shoulder as he moved behind him, “I’ll be right back Baby.”

            There was a nervous smile on Jinki’s face as the door closed behind Jonghyun, “Probably about our daughter. She’s watching her for us.”

            After a moment Sooyoung asked softly, “You love her a lot, don’t you?”

            “She’s the best thing in my life.” Jinki reached into his jacket pocket to pull out his wallet. He unfolded it to flip through the photos and pushed it over to the woman. The picture was of Gwiboon the day he returned home from the hospital with Jonghyun’s Polaroid camera.

            “She’s beautiful.”

            “Thank you,” Jinki laughed softly, “She’s the light at the end of this dark ass tunnel, Ms. Choi.”

            “I’m going to try my hardest to put that man away for life, but I need to know you’re really ready for what this might entail.”

            “I did all I did to protect my family no matter what the outcome was for me.” Jinki’s voice was sure and level as he continued, “That hasn’t changed Ma’am.”

\-----

            When Jinki snapped out of his slumber his heart was racing, panting to catch his breath, and eyes wide as he tried to gather his surroundings. The only thought going through his head was Gwiboon. Where was she? Did they have her? Was she safe? He tossed off the blanket from his legs after untangling the fabric from his limbs and was about to walk around the bed when he felt a hand curl around his wrist. He looked back, startled, ready for anything, only to see Jonghyun starting to sit up on the bed. The man was rubbing his eye with his other hand quickly, as he sleepily mumbled Jinki’s name. Jinki could see his lips moving, but couldn’t hear the words over the blood rushing in his ears. Jonghyun climbed over to look up at him as he sat back on his heels. He was able to grab both of Jinki’s hands, tug him down closer to his eye level. “I have to get Gwi. They have her I can’t-”

            “Jinki… Baby listen to my voice,” Jonghyun was completely alert, every ounce of sleep slipped off of him as he focused on his husband. “I’ll take you to Gwi, just try to breathe for me okay and don’t let go of my hand.”

            “You’ll take me to Gwi?”

            “Yes, Jinki.” Jonghyun wiggled to stand from the bed and slowly moved to walk around the bed. “She’s in her room sleeping. Where we put her last night after dinner. Remember?”

            “In.. her room?” Jinki mumbled, shuffling feet stumbling slightly on the carpet. “They don’t have her?”

            Jonghyun didn’t answer him, just tugged him into the baby girl’s bedroom and followed him to the crib to see Gwiboon soundly sleeping under her blanket. Jinki ran his hand over the baby’s tummy gently, breathing slowly returning to normal. He looked over at Jonghyun, eyes wide, hurt and lost. “Jonghyun… how.. How’d I get here?”

            “A nightmare again. You thought they had her.”

            Jinki’s expression fell, head hung low as he leaned a little on the crib railing, “Fuck.” He hissed quietly through his teeth. “Not again.”

            “Do you want to stay in here tonight?” Came Jonghyun’s whisper. He was standing little ways behind him, giving him space and it made Jinki swallow thickly. He reached out to him, pulling Jonghyun into his chest. Jinki’s fingers were in his hair keeping his head close as he curled into the smaller man and pressed his nose into his neck.

            “I’m sorry,” Jinki sobbed out, broken and soft. “I’m so sorry.”

            Jonghyun knew one of Jinki’s symptoms was the persistent fear and guilt, and he didn’t want to minimize his feelings, so he just nuzzled into him. The silence around them was the complete opposite of the loud noise blaring in Jinki’s head, but it allowed him a little more ability to move through the clouded mess of his mind. They stayed there for a long time it seemed before Jinki was calm enough to kiss Gwiboon’s forehead and allow Jonghyun to lead him back to bed. They both knew sleeping would be hard for him, but Jonghyun stayed up as long as he could talking softly with him. Their hands were still clasped when the man drifted off to sleep.

\-----

            “Hey, Jinki?” He looked up from the book he had been trying to read for the last hour but hadn’t made it past the third paragraph on the page to see Jonghyun picking Gwiboon up from the swing in the door frame leading into the kitchen. “I’m going to the store for bananas. Do you want to come with us?”

            "Ah, no thank you, Baby.” He flashed his best convincing smile, “I’m really getting into this book right now.”

            “Okay,” Jonghyun’s smile was so warm and genuine, “Need anything?”

            “I don’t think so. My medication doesn’t need to be refilled until next week.” Jonghyun walked over to gently kiss him, Jinki wiggling Gwiboon’s leg as the man pulled away. “Be safe Pumpkin.”

            “We’ll be right back.”

            As Jonghyun grabbed the keys Jinki called out, “I love you.”

            He stopped and turned with a big smile, “I love you too.”

            Jinki had conflicting feelings fighting within him. He didn’t want to go to the grocery with the possibility of being reminded of when Gwiboon and him were abducted, but the constant fear Jonghyun and their little girl wouldn’t return from the store was gnawing at him ferociously. As soon as the door closed he slid down the couch so his head hit the armrest, eyes closing as he pressed a palm between his eyes. As if the pressure would make the swirling thoughts stop.

\-----

            As the weeks passed and the trial loomed before them Jinki’s stomach felt like it was twisting into knots. He purposefully scheduled an appointment with his therapist the day before and after the first day of the trial. He knew that he had to be prepared for facing the image always present in his nightmares and flashbacks, but that he also would be taking two steps back in his treatment and recovery by standing before the man to testify.

            Jonghyun had found them a little cut out of the wall next to the courtroom to hide out in the moment he felt the grip on his hand tighten. He pulled out a small, white, smooth stone from his pocket. After spreading Jinki’s fingers out he gently laid the stone on the man’s palm and pushed his fingers over it. After a kiss was pressed against his fingers. “That’s from the beach we said our vows on. For better or for worse. In sickness and in health, to death do us part. You’re the moon to my sea Jinki.” He pushed a strand of Jinki’s hair behind his ear. “Today’s going to be hard and I cannot stand next to you. Hold that. It could help gr-”

            “Ground me.” Jinki softly finished the words, eyes blurring as his lips curved up. “Thank you.”

            “Are you ready?”

            “As I ever will be.” At Jinki’s words, Jonghyun pushed up to gently kiss him.

            “Today will all be over soon and we can go get Gwi into your arms.” Jonghyun squeezed his hip reassuringly with one hand while curling around Jinki’s slightly shaking ones with the other.

            “Promise?”

            “Soon as it’s over we’ll head over to my mother’s. She’ll be all yours.”

            Jinki put on a brave face after a deep breath and curled their fingers together. “Alright. Let’s get this over with.”

\-----

            Jinki kept his eyes on Jonghyun as Sooyoung stepped around the table to begin her direct examination. “Please state your name for the court records.”

            “Dr. Jinki Lee.”

            “And Dr. Lee what do you do for a living?”

            “I’m an emergency room surgeon at the Mercy West hospital, cardiac specialized.”

            “Can you tell me what happened on March 5th of this year?”

            Jinki took a deep breath, and let it out through his nose before he began. “I was taken from the parking lot of Marsh’s grocery on Hanover street with my infant daughter.”

            “Is the person who did this in this room?”

            “Yes.” Jinki didn’t look away from the woman.

            “Can you point him out to us?”

            Jinki pressed his lips together before shifting his eyes over to find the man. He rose his hand slowly to point at him. His hand fell as he continued. “During the time I was taken I was only in contact with two people. The defendant, Chanseok Lee, and Kyuchul who guarded me.”

            “Can you explain what happened in the 36 hours you were away from your Partner?”

            “I was beaten as I was asked questions about a program I had no connection to. Project Waternew.” Jinki moved the stone between his fingers, the words they practiced extensively running through his head. “I gave up my phone to be able to have my daughter again. Project Waternew is a government program my Partner was the head software developer on. I was never told anything about it per regulations. The life of my daughter and I were used as leverage to force my Partner into giving over the program.”

            “He beat you for information?”

            “Yes,” He tapped the rock against his thigh, “He had my daughter locked in a spare room close enough I could hear her screams. When I did not tell him the things he wanted he threatened to hurt my daughter. It was then I offered my phone code in exchange for it to stop. He accepted.”

            “And who did he call when you unlocked the phone for him?”

            “My Partner Jonghyun Kim.”

            “To ask about this, Project Waternew?”

            “Yes.”

            “During your time there did you hear any of the conversations that occurred between your Partner and the defendant?” Sooyoung was watching him carefully, making sure he was doing fine throughout the questions.

            “Yes.”

            “What was said during these conversations?”

            “He repeatedly threatened the life of myself and our daughter to force my Partner to comply to his demands.”

            Sooyoung smiled warmly, “And Dr. Lee, what were some of these demands?”

            “He was given 36 hours from the moment he answered the phone to have a copy of the program on a single laptop, delete all evidence and work records of the program so that he had the only version.”

            “Thank you Dr. Lee,” Sooyoung stopped walking and asked, “I only have one more question. How did your abduction end?”

            Jinki swallowed thickly, finding it extremely hard to find his voice. The judge turned toward him. “Answer the question, Dr. Lee.”

            “I managed to be able to be the one that went to retrieve the laptop.” Jinki stared at Jonghyun as he replied. “I knew way too much of the plan and I had spent most of my time waiting to be murdered. I had to make sure I got my daughter to my Partner so they were safe, and to minimize the amount of information my Partner knew about the identity of the man who was behind it. When I handed him the laptop he shot me twice in the abdomen.”

            “And who exactly is the man that shot you?”

            “The defendant.” Jinki clenched his teeth together for a moment, “Chanseok Lee.”

            Sooyoung bowed her head toward the judge. “No further questions your honor.”

            Jinki couldn’t hear much over the blood rushing through his ears. He knew the cross-examination was about to happen and could see the other lawyer standing from his seat. He closed his eyes and mentally counted back from ten to calm himself. This was the hard part. He managed to focus a little on the other man long enough to hear his question, “You say my client shot you twice, Dr. Lee?”

            “Yes.”

            “And that you believed he was going to kill you the entire time because you knew too much?”

            “Yes.”

            “Now, if the intention was to kill you why are you sitting before me today?” Jinki stumbled in his attempt to find an answer, “What’s to say you weren’t apart of the whole thing yourself and made sure the shooting was not fatal?”

            “Objection!” Sooyoung stated.

            “Overruled.” The Judge claimed as he shifted his eyes back to Jinki.

            “You received your license to practice medicine, 5 years ago correct?”

            “Seven.” Jinki softly corrected him.

            “And in your years in medical school and during your residency, you would have the ability to learn where to shoot someone to cause damage that wasn’t life-threatening, correct?”

            "Well, yes but-”

            “You could have staged the kidnapping, forced your partner to complete the demands to save you, and had him shoot you as your alibi.”

            Jinki scowled at the man, mouth suddenly dry and hands curling tighter around the stone Jonghyun gave him as anger filled his chest. “I almost died, I had two bullets through my stomach. My Partner had 15 minutes to get me to the hospital before the fluid in my stomach rushed into my bloodstream. Months of recuperating, weeks of not being able to eat anything of any substance, let alone walk. You’re accusing me of almost killing myself to steal a damn computer program?!”

            “Dr. Lee, please sit back down.”

            He looked down and realized dazed that he had stood up. He gulped nervously as he slowly took his seat again. Jinki felt his heart begin to race, his hands were shaking, and all he could think was not now, please not now. The almost cruel smile on the lawyer’s face did nothing to help the uneasiness in his stomach. “No further questions, your honor.”

\-----

            When Jonghyun found him after court went on break before the next witness it took him a moment to. As soon as he could get away Jinki had rushed out between the mass of people walking out. When he finally spotted him, Jinki was almost bent in half sitting on a bench as far away from the court room’s open doors. His fingers were gripping his hair tightly as he rocked a little bit. Jonghyun kneeled softly, speaking quietly without reaching out. “Babe.. hey.”

            Jinki slowly rose his head and tears were falling from his eyes. He sucked in a rushed breath and sniffled roughly. “I ruined it. I fucked up.”

            “Baby no.” Jonghyun gave a small smile, “Can I hug you?”

            With a ragged breath, he nodded, “Yes, please.”

            Quickly he rose to take a seat next to him, leaning back against the wall and arms wide open for Jinki to fall into. His nose was pressed into Jonghyun’s neck, and as his husband’s arms wrapped around him Jinki’s sobs increased in intensity. “That was uncalled for and he shouldn’t have been able to accuse you of that. You did nothing wrong.”

            “What if,” He swallowed thickly, “I made him get off?”

            “If those jurors don’t put him into a very high-security prison for a very long time they should be questioned on the stand.” Jonghyun pressed a kiss to his hair and rubbed his side with his hand. “We have about an hour. Do you want to go get some food, Babe?”

            Jinki shook his head, “I feel like I’m going to be sick.”

            Jonghyun kissed his hair and smiled a little at how Jinki was still spinning the little stone between his fingers. “How about something to drink? There’s a place just around the corner.”

            After a moment he hummed. “Okay.”

            When he straightened he moved to wipe his eyes with the sleeves of his suit, but Jonghyun gently patted them with a little wipe he had in his pocket with a small smile. “I always have packs of wipes.”

            Jinki curled their fingers together and as they waited for their smoothies he laid his head on Jonghyun’s shoulder, ear buds slid into his ears to block out the voices from all the people around him. His eyes were closed as he tried to breathe evenly. The soft squeezes of Jonghyun’s hand made the corner of his lips curve upward. He’d be okay.

\-----

            Jinki was asked to be there at every day of the trial, but he wasn’t asked to the stand again. Time meddled together for him, each day melting into the next until it was finally verdict day. The testimony from the surgeon who operated on him and of Detective Minho Choi who investigated it all were both just bits and pieces of his memory. He could barely look at the provided photos during the Doctor’s testimony and his hand absentmindedly went to lay on his stomach until Jonghyun’s was pulling it over to hold tightly in his lap.

            He was staring blankly across the way at a wall until Jonghyun softly stroked the back of his hand, bringing his attention over to him. He smiled warmly, but Jinki could see the nerves present in his eyes. “It’s time for the verdict Babe.”

            Slowly his eyes shifted over to the jurors as the first juror stood at the direction of the judge. Jinki’s heart was beating a million times a minute as the judge spoke again. “Has the jury come to a decision on all charges?”

            “We have your honor.” The man spoke. Almost nervously. “On the charge of theft of government property, we have found the defendant Chanseok Lee, Guilty.” Jinki didn’t notice how tight his grip on Jonghyun’s hand had gotten, but the slightly younger man didn’t seem to mind. “On the charge of first degree attempted murder, we find the defendant, Guilty. And finally, on the charge of two accounts of aggravated kidnapping, we find the defendant, Guilty.”

            There hadn’t been a moment since that night he had felt as relieved as he had as those words came out of the juror's mouth. Jonghyun was pulling him up, crashing into his chest, and his daze was shattered. He wrapped his arms around his husband, pressing his nose into his neck and whispered, “Thank you for getting me through this.”

            Jonghyun pulled away at the words, eyes so warm and soft. “Oh, Jinki. This was all you. You were strong enough to do this, with or without me here holding your hand.”

            He was about to lean down just a little to kiss him, but then Sooyoung was standing on the other side of the barrier with a big smile on her face. Jinki turned with a smile and shook her hand, leaning in to hug her. “Sentencing will probably be tomorrow. Is your victim impact statement written?”

            There was a small smile on his face as Jonghyun snuggled close to his side, “Almost finished. I’ll send it over tonight.” Once she left to gather her things and talk with the judge about when the sentencing would take place, Jinki turned to Jonghyun and kissed his hair. “Once these people file out, how do you feel about going to the park?”

            “It sounds great,” Jonghyun hummed, “We need to call my mom with the good news.”

            Jinki turned, wrapping both his arms around Jonghyun and resting his chin on the top of his head. “It doesn’t feel real yet. That they really got them all.”

            Jonghyun was a little hard to hear with the people still leaving around them and being muffled against his chest, but Jinki heard him enough. “Maybe once we get the sentencing, it’ll feel more set in stone.”

            He sure hoped so.

\-----

            The sun was soft in the late September sky. The grass was bright and green, blowing softly in the breeze coming from the water to their left. A blanket had been laid out after they had gotten Gwiboon from her grandmother’s and picked up something to eat. The young girl was laying on the blanket, looking up at the sky with her Papa, listening to him tell a story about some cloud formation he was pointing to. She was just shy of a year old. Her hair was curling as it got longer, her teeth coming in quicker, and sneakers on her feet now that she was walking more. His little Baby was growing up and Jinki wasn’t sure how he felt about that. The story Jonghyun was telling her was about a young princess in the kingdom in the clouds and how the clouds sometimes change shape to make the princess happy again. Gwiboon’s eyes were wide and curious, taking it all in. Jonghyun’s eyes fell from the sky to gaze over at his husband, studying him, making sure he was okay. Jinki gave him a big smile, a genuine warm smile, that made his eyes squint. Jinki mouthed, ‘Go on.’

            And he did. He only stopped when Gwiboon’s tummy grumbled and she wished for more grapes, primarily because she saw her Daddy pull the container from her diaper bag. She climbed into his lap with a big smile, her pigtails bouncing a little as she settled. “Which one do you want Pumpkin?”

            His hand was held out flat, about seven grapes present on his palm for her to choose from. She grabbed two quickly and stuffed one into her mouth. She held the other one up for him. “Daddy~”

            Softly the grape was taken from her small fingers. “Thank you, Pumpkin.” Once she had enough she pointed at the nearby playground set that was pretty much empty for a weekday. “Do you want to go play sweetie?”

            Jinki carried her over after Jonghyun insisted he could handle cleaning up and meet them back over after putting the stuff in the car. Her favorite thing was the swings, but she hated the ones meant for her to sit in, so instead Jonghyun and Jinki took turns sitting on the big swings with her in their laps while the other gently pushed them, just enough for them to move while still being able to hold onto her and the swing with one hand. The sun was almost completely set when they finally were walking toward the car to go home. Gwiboon was falling asleep in her car seat before they even pulled out of the parking lot. Jonghyun drove home, but Jinki was holding his hand with both of his in his lap. At the stop light he gazed over at him, at the ring on his finger, the soft light of the setting sun across his features, and warmth filled him. Jinki glanced over slowly, a soft smile over his lips as he blinked gently and quietly said, “The light’s green Baby.” Jonghyun looked away with pink cheeks, embarrassed at being caught staring. “I love you, Baby.” 

            Jinki’s voice showed just how tired he was, but it was warm and happy. Jonghyun squeezed Jinki’s hand that his fingers were curled around as he said, “I love you so much, Babe.”

            His hand was lifted and a kiss was pressed against his knuckles, then silence fell between them, but the tension that the uncertainty of the trial was no longer present.  Starting tomorrow they felt as if they could begin their lives again, starting over and learning how to live with the changes in their relationship. And that was an amazing feeling.

\-----

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sentencing occurs and they find out how long Jinki will feel safe again.

            There was something in the way Jinki was with Gwiboon. The softness of his smile, the warmth of his eyes as he gazed down at her, and the gentleness of his hands as he held them out to her to pick her up into his arms. She pressed an almost sticky kiss to his cheek, but he looked elated at the gesture. It was almost time to go to the sentencing hearing and she would be going for once. Jinki was already in his nice dress pants and button-up, his sweater was laying on the bed in their room for after Gwiboon had been washed up from her snack. When Jinki’s eyes met Jonghyun’s, who had been leaning against the door frame to their daughter’s room, he gave a shy smile at the endearing gaze of his husband. He paused as he slid by him. Jonghyun kissed Gwiboon’s cheek, her falling curls hitting him on the nose as he did so before he moved to press a kiss to Jinki’s lips gently. “I sent in my resignation.”

            “What?”

            Jonghyun’s fingers were gentle as they moved over Jinki’s waist. With a soft hum, he answered, “They gave me time off to deal with the trial and you recovering, and I’ve been thinking a lot about things. It was my job that got you in the… situation and I figured out I couldn’t work on the same project knowing what the damn thing almost made me lose.”

            “Jonghyun… it wasn’t your fault.”

            A little flash of a smile curved on his lips. “If I hadn’t been the head engineer on the program you wouldn’t have been targeted. I know I should have talked to you, but I didn’t want to cause you more stress or anxiety by bringing up the incident... And I know you haven’t returned to work yet, and I don’t expect you to want to jump into that setting. I’ll get another job until then but I-” He took a deep breath. “I put so much into that job, into that program. I lost so much time with you and Gwi. It was a great job before we had Gwi, but I… I want to stay at home with her eventually.”

            Jinki slowly blinked at him, and it was a decent amount of time before his warm voice was heard again. “If you want to stay home with her, then I support you. Our savings won’t last us much more, but they’ll last enough for a few more."

            Jonghyun beamed, relieved, “Are you sure?”

            With a soft kiss, Jinki bumped their noses together. “Yeah. I’m ready to go back to work and I’d feel a lot better knowing she was with you instead of at the daycare center.” Gwiboon began to wiggle in his arms, causing them both to laugh as they pulled apart. “Yes Pumpkin, Daddy’s going.” He smiled at Jonghyun, “We’ll talk about this more tonight, okay?”

            “Okay,” Jonghyun felt as if a big burden had been taken from his chest. Jinki dipped his head a little before moving to finally clean Gwiboon up. She was covered in bits of banana, her new favorite snack. As Jinki wiped her hands and mouth and changed her shirt, Jonghyun went to finish packing her diaper bag, a new completely different one than the one Jinki had the day they were taken. He placed the last of the little snack baggies and diapers into the bag and finished zipping it close as his husband walked back in, a freshly clean Gwiboon snug in his arms. Her head was leaning on Jinki’s shoulder, her thumb in her mouth and her eyes fluttering to stay open. Jonghyun softly chuckled. “Someone is going to miss their nap.”

            “She can nap on me during it.” Jinki kisses her hair, “Isn’t that right, Pumpkin?”

            In reply the little girl nuzzled closer into him, fingers curling in the sweater he finally threw over his button up on the way back from the bathroom in the hallway. Jonghyun just shook his head fondly as he grabbed the bag off the counter and headed over to grab the keys. “Come on. We want to miss traffic as much as we can.”

            Jinki slipped by him after kissed Jonghyun’s cheek, causing the shorter man to turn slightly pink.

\-----

            Jonghyun placed the diaper bag between his feet on the floor, his head leaning on Jinki’s shoulder as the man held the bag of cheerios for Gwiboon to grab out of in his lap. People were still filing in,  shuffling about to find a seat, and the noise was pretty loud in volume. The defendant’s seat was still empty, the judge not in the room yet, but Jinki could still feel the anxiety of what was about to occur rushing through him. His victim impact statement was going to be read and heard by a few hundred people, including his husband. He wasn’t sure what was worse. The number of strangers or Jonghyun knowing his deepest thoughts.

            Gwiboon tugging on his glasses made a smile curve on his lips and his attention to be brought to her from his thoughts. The bag of cheerios was removed as Jinki focused on holding the toddler’s body to make sure she didn’t lose her balance and tumble backward. “What are you doing to Daddy’s glasses Gwi?”

            She smiled, full of giggles as she stood on his lap. Her fingers were curling around his frames, tugging a little so the glasses were sliding down his nose. Jonghyun laughed quietly as he watched, Jinki’s eyes scrunching a little as Gwiboon’s fingers got very close to entering his eyes. “I think she wants to touch your beautiful eyes.”

            Jinki snorted as he pulled Gwiboon away and sat her down in his lap. Before he could reach up to take his glasses to clean them, Jonghyun was already softly tugging them the rest of the way off his nose and carefully using the end of his sweater to clean the lenses. Ever so gently he slid them back on, smiling as he caressed Jinki’s cheek once he was finished. “Thanks, Baby.”

            “I thought you’d like to see something other than little fingerprints.” Both of them looked around them when the noise in the courtroom died down. When the judge was announced and entered the room everyone stood. Jinki tried to ignore the table to the left of him. He let Gwiboon play with his hand, twisting his ring to try and get it over his knuckle as the judge began to speak. He only caught the end of it that his victim statement would now be read. He swallowed thickly, feeling the tightness in his chest as his leg started to gyrate under Gwiboon. Jonghyun looked him over concerned, but Jinki wouldn’t look over at him. He knew he wouldn’t be able to.

            Sooyoung stood from the table in front of them. In her hands was his statement. She cast him a look over her shoulder and after he flashed her a tight smile she began to read. “Have you ever had to hold your partner’s hand and tell them to give the wedding ring they gave you to your daughter, as you bled out in the passenger seat of the car you've had together since college with your baby girl crying in the back? I still remember the last image of him before I lost consciousness. It’s something I’ll never forget. I never thought I’d see my husband covered in my own blood. His hands gripping the wheel were so white, caked with my blood. I wish he had never had to go through that.” She took a breath, casting her eyes around the room before her, then continued. “Putting the defendant away for as long as possible means a peace of mind. It means maybe I can be away from my daughter without almost going into a panic attack. It means not waking up almost every night in a flashback of those days. It means finally being able to start mending on the mental scars you cannot physically see.”

            “The impact of what he did will always be with me. From the car on my stomach that reminds me every time I get dressed that I almost died, to the way I still can’t go to the grocery store alone.. And sometimes at all.” She flipped the page to say the last paragraph. “I faced death in all forms every day I went into work, but seeing my husband face mine was enough for me. Don’t make us fear all this pain and work will be for nothing. I know the range of years for each charge he was found guilty of. He deserves as much of it as you can give him. So I feel safe enough to go on with my life.”

            He hadn’t noticed the tears running down his face until he felt the slightly calloused, yet warm, fingers against his skin. A little panicked he looked over and he softened when Jonghyun’s loving eyes met his own. Jonghyun reached over and curled their fingers together, palms pressed against one another, and with a soft squeeze he leaned over to whisper in Jinki’s ear. “It’s going to be okay.”

            One day, he was going to believe that.

\----

            Jinki felt in a daze. As if he was swimming through molasses in the middle of some dark room. Things were moving around him, voices and other sounds, but it all was in slow motion. As if he reached out to touch anything his hand would completely miss as it moved past. His mind couldn’t process the sentencing, shock hitting him dead in the chest. He numbly looked over when the shadow fell over him and Jonghyun was standing. Everything blurred around him as he focused on his husband’s face. He was smiling so big and beautiful. The expression slowly fell as he noticed Jinki’s appearance. He stepped closer, cupping his chin as he said something, but all Jinki could see was his lips moving. The words never made it to his ears at first. Until Jonghyun leaned down enough to block out everything else around him. “Do you need to get out of here?”

            Jinki nodded slowly. Gwiboon was carefully picked up from his arms, the diaper bag was over Jonghyun’s shoulder as he helped Jinki to his feet. He managed to get them out of the doors and to the left away from the amassing people heading toward the courthouse’s main doors. Jinki leaned back against the pillar and closed his eyes. Trying to find his way back down while remembering the breathing techniques he had worked with his therapist. Time was a blur, but when he opened his eyes Jonghyun was standing in front of him. He had Gwiboon on his right hip sleeping against his shoulder and his left hand was loosely curled around Jinki’s fingers. “Hey, Babe.”

             “Hey.” He practically croaked out. “What- what happened?”

            “You blanked out after the sentence was given.” Jonghyun gave his fingers a little squeeze. “Are you okay, now?”

            “I-I think so.” Jinki squeezed his eyes shut again, but just for a moment as the memory finally caught up with him and they opened wide. He breathed out quietly. “He’s in jail for life.”

            A slow smile pulled at Jonghyun’s lips. “With no option for parole.”

            “I’m free.” Jinki laughed a little, tears forming on his lashes as his voice softened, emotions getting the best of him. “I’m free.” He turned to Gwiboon, running a knuckle over her cheek ever so softly. “I’m free, baby girl.”

            “C’mere,” Jonghyun mumbled and a moment later Jinki was pressing his forehead into his neck, nuzzling closer as he wrapped his arms around his husband. “You did so well today and through all this. I’m so proud of you Babe.”

            His fingers tightened in Jonghyun’s sweater on his back, keeping him close, and letting the tears come. His body shook a little, but Jonghyun kept holding him close. Gwiboon stayed asleep against his shoulder until Jinki wished to hold her, where she woke up for a few moments. Just enough time to realize she was being held by her Daddy and curl her fist in his sweater as they headed out to their car to go home.

\----

            Once they were home Jonghyun went to put Gwiboon down for a little nap. When he returned into the living room Jinki was laying back against the cushions of the couch, head back and eyes closed. He turned his head a little when he heard the floor creek, and he smiled when he saw Jonghyun coming closer.  Like so many times before Jonghyun sat down and laid his legs over Jinki’s lap, laying his head on his shoulder. “Did she go down easily?”

            “She hit that pillow and she was gone.”

            “Mm.” Jinki hummed, wrapping his arm around Jonghyun and placing his other hand on his knee. His movements were slow and sedated, a little tired from everything. He smiled and Jonghyun felt warmth travel over him. “Maybe after dinner, we can go take a swim.”

             “That’ll be nice.” Jonghyun softly ran his fingers over the pattern of Jinki’s sweater. “We haven’t since before it all.”

            “You smell nice.” Came the soft comment as Jinki pushed his nose into his hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

            A gentle chuckle, pink cheeks, and Jonghyun head nuzzling into his shoulder resulted from such a comment. “What do you want to do while we wait for her to wake up?”

            Jinki’s arm around his waist gripped him a little tighter. “This sounds perfect.”

            “Lay down, pls.” Jonghyun lifted his head with a little smile. “I can cuddle you most effectively that way.”

            “Wouldn’t wanna effect cuddle efficiency.” Jinki removed his sweater after Jonghyun climbed off him. With a little wiggling, he laid down along the couch and opened his arms wide for his husband to come to lay on him. He groaned playfully as Jonghyun’s weight was put all on him, but he soon wrapped his arms around him and kissed his hair. “I love you, Babe.”

            “Mm, Love you more Baby.”

\-----

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Happiness isn't hard to find after all.

_Three months later_

Jinki looked up from making Gwiboon laugh when he hears the front door open. Jonghyun flashed a warm smile at him as he moved into the kitchen to put the groceries away. It was about fifteen minutes later he came to lean against the archway between the kitchen and living room, sweet smile on his face as he gazed at his family. When he stopped the few toys scattered around the room he pushed off the wall and began to pick them up to put them in the toy chest in the corner. Jinki shook Gwiboon’s little fists with a small smile before quietly saying, “I asked my Mom to watch Gwiboon for me if you’d like to go to my session tomorrow with me.”

           Jonghyun stumbles a little as he tries to grab a toy at the words, taken off guard. After straightening, stuffed bear tight in his arms, he hesitantly asks, “You want me to go in with you?”

           “You’re apart of this… my recovery.” Jinki eyes flutter as he takes a deep breath, slowly sitting up and letting Gwiboon down onto the floor. His head was hung low for a long while as he leans on his elbows on his thighs. Then he looked up through his fringe. “There are things you have to deal with just for staying with me and I’d like you there so she can explain things I can’t find the words for.”

           “Of course I’d like to go.” Jonghyun looks between the toys in his arms and his husband before taking the few steps to dump them into the chest. As he walks past Gwiboon he runs a hand over her pigtails, before sitting next to Jinki. Nervously, he softly asks. “Can I hug you?”

           The question is like a hammer to his chest, but he still smiles as he lifts his head, “Yeah.”

           They fall back against the cushions of the couch, Jinki’s arm around him, lips pressing kisses into his hair as Gwiboon squeals about how her ball lights up when she hits it. “I love you.”

           Jinki swallows thickly, holding back his tears just barely. “I love you too.”

\----

           “It’s really good to have you here today Jonghyun.” Dr. Ann sweetly said across from them. “Jinki and I have talked about inviting you for some time.”

           He glanced over at his husband. Jinki looked so small and vulnerable on the other end of the couch, so far away it seemed. “Oh?”

           “He thought it was a good next step.” Her eyes were warm and understanding as she turned her attention to Jinki. “Did you want to start like we always do?”

           “With fears?” Jinki quietly asked, finally looking up at her. When she gently nodded he cast a slight look at Jonghyun. “If Jonghyun is okay with that.”

           “Would you like to participate Jonghyun?”

           “By, like, saying my fears too?” He unsurely asked.

           “Precisely. Every session we start talking about what he’s afraid of, to get it out of the way.”

           “I’d.. okay.” He smiled easily, “Don’t go from the routine for me.”

           “Great! Jinki, why don’t you start?”

           He took a ragged breath before flashing a smile. He turns a little towards Jonghyun, but his gaze falls lower than his eyes as if he can’t make himself look at him. “I’m afraid that one day I’ll wake up and you won’t be there anymore. When you take off your ring to shower, there’s always a lump in my throat and worry in my stomach. Like you’ll never put it back on.”

           Jinki looks at Dr. Ann and when she smiled and gestured for him to continue he did. “When you take it off so the dumpling dough doesn’t get on it, I worry you’ll forget you’re supposed to wear it. It reminds me how much you leaving plagues y mind. I can’t-” Jinki sucks in a breath, “I can’t lose you.” He quickly wipes his cheeks, focusing on getting through his thought. “Sitting in that hospital bed, not knowing if I’d ever be the man you decided to marry ever again, the uncertainty of you staying in this relationship that I almost gave everything for I- every time you left I thought I’d never see you again.”

           Jonghyun isn’t quite sure how to respond, to react. He wants to reach out, to comfort him, but the events of the week prior make him stop. After a moment he gathers his thoughts, “How do I paint a picture so clear as my feelings are for you that you understand, I meant my vows? For better or for worse. In sickness and in health. You almost died for me Jinki. I was my work, my program, my life you were protecting. I know your mind isn’t what it used to be, but you’re still Jinki. The safe, dependable, caring man I married. This ring will always return to my finger because you put it there in the first place.”

           Once silence falls, Dr. Ann asks, “And, Jonghyun, what is something you’re afraid of?”

           He took a deep breath, preparing to be completely honest as Jinki had been. He knew how vulnerable Jinki was being. “I’m afraid that one day it’ll be too much for him to handle and I won’t be able to ease his burden anymore, that my comfort won’t... Work as well on his troubles as it once had..”

           “You’re afraid of feeling useless in helping him?”

           “Yes, Ma’am.” Jonghyun softly admits.

           “Have there been times you felt that way recently?”

           Jonghyun glances at Jinki, who’s almost cowering behind the cushion he’s hugging in his lap. His cheeks a glistening with his tears, but he makes no move to wipe them away. “About a week ago I had taken Gwi out with me for my morning run. I didn’t tell him prior, hadn’t really thought about it. We were getting back into what life was beforehand.. Before everything… and because I hadn’t told him prior to it, him not having her there with him, the unknown of where she was… where I was. It triggered him. I returned to him having the worst panic attack I had witnessed before. The things I had read or what he told me they didn’t seem to work. I was watching the man I love battle himself for control and I couldn’t help him.”

           Jinki swallows thickly, shifting in his seat when the attention is brought back to him. “How do you feel about that Jinki?”

           “I feel it reinforces my worries, my fear of being harmful to my family.” He answers in a small voice.

           “How so?”

           “I hit him that morning.” He confesses. All his worry and guilt almost dripping from the tone of his voice. “He tried to comfort me physically, as he always had, and I lashed out. God, I can’t live with myself seeing that bruise on his eye. I shouldn't have ever hit him. My mental illness isn’t an excuse. I should have stopped myself.”

           Dr. Ann turned to Jonghyun, pen tapping on her pad. “How did the incident affect how you see him?”

           “I don’t view him as a danger to me or our child if that’s what you're asking. He was in a flashback and I didn’t connect the dots quick enough that I shouldn’t have touched him.”

           “Have you talked about the incident before Jinki shakes his head, “When I calmed down enough and I had Gwi in my arms, I couldn’t find the right words. How do you explain hitting your husband enough to make a bruise appear? The I’m sorry I whispered would never cut it. We never brought it back up. It hovered over us like a dark cloud.”

           “Do either of you care to say anything else about it?” 

           With a tiny glance over at him, Jinki smiles. He turns, bringing his left leg up so he’s facing Jonghyun completely. “I guess I’ll go.”

           “That's Great, Jinki.”

           Jonghyun turns to face him completely, so open and ready for anything Jinki had to say to him. He smiles so sweet and reassuringly, it almost makes Jinki’s hands from shaking. “I guess, I want to start with how I’ve constantly been worried over you viewing me as scary. Sometimes I can’t control my behavior, it’s hard for me to grab onto reality, and I know people are afraid of what they don’t understand. Mental illness already has such a negative stigma, and I didn’t want you to hate me. I’m trying so hard to get this under any control and I don’t want to lose you... How I love you, our relationship together, to my illness.”

           “I’m not scared of you Babe. I’m scared I can’t help you get this under control, any control.” Jonghyun fights the urge to reach out and take his hands. “This will forever be with you, but I want you to get to a place where you’re managing it. Somewhere that maybe you can not be so afraid of me leaving you because of it all.”

           “I love you so much Baby and I don’t want one day I hurt you because my mind is fucked up.” Jinki’s brows furrow, sniffling harshly. “I hit you physically Jonghyun. You deserve to be angry. I can't forgive myself for that.”

           Jonghyun scoots closer and gently rubs the back of Jinki’s hand with his finger. “You’re relatively new at this mentally ill thing Babe. From what I understand, it takes a long while to figure out a treatment that works. I should have told you I was leaving, should have remembered you need a routine. I’m not angry with you Babe. I’m sorry you feel so bad about it. I know you’d never hurt me on purpose.”

           “I can hear the sound my hand made.” Jinki whispers, taking a shuddering breath. “Just ringing in my ears. Can see the mark even as it continues to heal.”

           “It doesn't hurt Jinki.” Jonghyun smiled sweetly, “Will you touch it for me?”

           Jinki pulls his hands back, shaking his head quickly. “I can't.”

           “Trust me. Please touch it.” Jonghyun leaned a little closer, eyes sliding close, leaving himself open to Jinki. “I trust you.”

           He felt Jinki moving closer until his shaking hand was lightly touching his cheekbone. Jinki let out a ragged breath of relief, causing Jonghyun so smile brightly. Carefully he reached up to take Jinki’s hand into his as he opened his eyes. He pressed a kiss to the back of his hand. “See? I'm not scared of you or your touch Babe.”  

           Jonghyun gently cupped his cheek with his other hand, rubbing his thumb over Jinki’s cheeks to wipe his tears as the man smiled, relieved.  Not wanting to ruin the moment, Dr. Ann quietly closed her notebook and smiled sweetly. It wasn't a fix for everything, and there was a lot more they had to overcome to get a treatment plan that worked, but it was an improvement. That's all that mattered.

\----

           Jinki pressed a sweet kiss to Gwiboon’s head before turning to Jonghyun setting up a plate for his breakfast. The man beamed when he noticed his attention. “It’s a special day, so special pancakes.”

           Bacon was made into eyebrows, whipped cream mouth, and more chocolate chips were piled together for the eyes. The nose was a strawberry cut in half. With a soft laugh, Jinki leaned in to kiss Jonghyun’s cheek. “Thank you. I feel so young again.”

           “You’re welcome.” Jonghyun turned off the stove and untied his apron to hang it on the hook next to Jinki’s beside the fridge. After making sure Gwiboon was okay eating her cheerios he walked over to gently lean against Jinki’s back, hands moving down his chest, as he pressed a kiss to his cheek. “How are you feeling?”

           “Nervous,” Jinki responded after swallowing his bite of food and drinking some of his juice. “I keep thinking I’ll forget how to be a doctor.”

           “You’re amazing at your job.” Jonghyun nuzzled into him gently. “Besides, I already told Taek that he’s not allowed to let you out of his sight until he’s sure you’ve got a handle on things.”

           Jinki took a deep breath and turned his head a little to look at him. His eyes were soft as he whispered. “Thank you for always taking care of me.”

           A gentle kiss was given to the tip of his nose before Jonghyun was slipping away unexpectedly. He came back with Jinki’s new cell phone. A model completely different than his old one. “I took the liberty of adding the routine to your calendar and added a little note of just today’s to your home page. That way you can see it quickly if need be.”

           “Baby..” Jinki softly breathed out, fingers careful as they curled around the offered phone.

           At his onslaught of emotions, Jonghyun was quick to hug him. Over the last few months, they had grown and learned together.  He caressed his hair as Jinki nuzzled his face into his chest. “I wanted you to have the best first day back that you could. I’ll be waiting for your call at lunchtime Babe.”

           “I love you.”

           “I love you too.” Jonghyun chuckled sweetly as he pulled away. “Now finish your breakfast and head off to work. Gwi and I have a playdate with the giant stuffed bear her uncle Taemin just had to buy her.”

           “Send me lots of pictures?”

           “Of course.”

\-----

           His packed lunch was laid out in front of him. As he finished peeling his orange he pressed play on the video Jonghyun had sent him a few hours prior, one he hadn’t been able to read with how quick he had to work. As it loaded the thumbnail was a blurry Gwiboon tackling the giant teddy bear Taemin had gotten her for her 1st birthday a few months ago. He popped a slice of the orange into his mouth just as the video finished loading and began to play. Jonghyun’s sweet face was the first thing he saw, smiling a little as he spoke. _“I was going to send you a few photos but she keeps moving while wrestling the bear they all came out blurry so.”_

           He shifted the camera so the little girl could be seen, laying flat on the bear's tummy wiggling as she tried to wrap her arms around it completely. _“Hey Gwi, do you want to say Hi to Daddy?”_

           Her head popped up, pigtails swinging. _“Daddy?”_

 _"C’mere.”_ She wiggled off the bear and scrambled over, staring at the camera with wide eyes. _“I’m going to send this to Daddy.”_

 _“Oh._ ” Gwiboon pushed up and blew a kiss, chubby little hand flying toward the phone. _“I wuv you,_ _ _Daddy_.” _

           She was quick to turn around and jump straight on the bear, body slamming it, causing Jonghyun to snort loudly. The camera was turned again so Jonghyun could be seen. _“Have a good day, Baby. Talk to you at lunch.”_

           When the video ended it was then Jinki realized he was crying. He laughed quietly as he patted his cheeks before pushing the call button near Jonghyun’s name in his phone. It rang a few times before he picked up. _“_ _ _Hey,_ you~”_

           “Hi, Baby.”

 _“What’s wrong?”_ Jinki laughed at how quick Jonghyun could sense his tears.

           “They’re good tears I promise. I watched your video I’m just really happy is all.”

           Jonghyun sighed, relieved. _“I’m so happy to hear you say that Babe.”_

           “It’s true.” Jinki bit his lip for a moment before continuing, “It’s starting to feel like our normal lives again and I’m really content with it.”

 _"It does, doesn’t it?”_ Jonghyun hummed quietly, _“Gwiboon went down for her nap after we went swimming in the bathtub. I filled up our bathtub and put on our suits and she got such a kick out of it. She went right down. She was too tired.”_

           “How dare you take a bath without me.” He said, mocked offended.

 _"When we put Gwi down for the night, maybe you and I could.”_ He seemed unsure by his tone, as if nervous of suggesting.

           “I’d like that a lot Baby.”

 _“I love you and I’m glad today is going well for you.”_ Jonghyun blew a kiss into the receiver. _“I’ll see you when you get home Babe. Enjoy your lunch.”_

           “Bye Baby, Love you more.” The phone call clicked off and he slowly removed it from against his ear. He smiled, almost dazed, as he gazed at the screen softly. Happy. It felt like forever since he felt genuinely happy.

\----

           The door was locked. On the tiled edge around the bath were candles. The baby monitor was up on the sink along with their phones. The only light that was on was the one above Jonghyun’s vanity, far by the door.  There were bubbles filling around them. The water was warm but not as warm as the feeling of the other pressed against them. Jonghyun was between Jinki’s legs, turned over on his tummy with his chin resting upon the back of his hands he had on Jinki’s chest. Every so often Jinki would lift his hand from the water where he was gently running it over Jonghyun’s side, to push a strand of hair back that had fallen onto his forehead. “You’re really beautiful.”

           “You’re one to talk Babe,” Jonghyun lifted his head in order to press a warm kiss to his lips. “Thank you for doing this with me.”

           Jinki’s expression fell for a moment as he grew serious. “I know it’s been a long time. I’m sorry I stopped doing this with you.”

           “Don’t be Babe.” Jonghyun bit his bottom lip for a moment. “I know it’s hard for you still to see the mark. I would have given you as much time as you needed if you had said no to this.”

           He gently cupped Jonghyun’s cheek, sweetly kissing him. “I want things to go back to as normal as they can. We’ve focused on me, my health and returning to work, the routine. We have a good handle on that, don’t you think? It’s about time we focus on us. I feel like through all of this we’ve lost sight of who we are as a couple. Remember when I couldn’t keep my hands off you?”

           “Vividly.” Shifting slightly, Jonghyun was able to run his hands through Jinki’s hair. “Just like with everything else, we’ll take it slow. Tonight means a whole lot to me. I missed being this close to you.”

           After softly grabbing his chin Jinki kissed him sweetly with a small smile. “Me too Baby. Me too.”

           Things, of course, were different, as they would be, but slowly others were falling into place. Getting back to what their life used to be was impossible to do completely. Jonghyun was a stay at home dad now, they made a routine every Sunday night before bed, and he had therapy once a month, which Jonghyun went to every other one. Medications had to be refilled every three months and he called from work a lot more than he used to. But, he still had Jonghyun and they had a beautiful Baby girl. Life was moving forward even with all the bumps, and that made him happy.

**\----**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the main part of the story!! The next chapter is the Epilogue. I hope you enjoyed this fic <3


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life Goes On

              Jinki tugged Jonghyun back against him and smiled warmly when the smaller man wiggled a little to get comfy beside him. “What do you think the odds are in being able to sleep without a sprawling two-year-old tonight are?”

              Jonghyun hummed, eyes already beginning to fall asleep. “Pretty slim.”

              He softly moved his hand over Jonghyun’s tummy, nose against the base of his neck for a moment before he shifted so it was in his hair. The softness of the strands and the scent of him calming Jinki in a way, luring sleep over him. “I’ve been thinking.”

              “About?”

              “I think I’m ready for another.” Came Jinki’s soft confession a moment later.

              Jonghyun moved slowly and carefully as he turned, for he didn’t want to hit Jinki’s nose with his head as he moved. Once settled he looked at Jinki with big, vulnerable eyes. His voice was soft and unsure, rolling off his lips in a nervous breath. “Really?”

              “We’ve always used to talk about having another child after Gwiboon, but then everything happened and I felt like I wasn’t safe enough to be around Gwi… let alone a new infant. I’ve worked really hard to get a grasp on things, to be a resemblance of the man you decided to have children with, and I’d like to believe I’m there. I.. I want another Jonghyun.”

              “Are you ready to deal with it all?” Jinki’s face fell for a moment, but Jonghyun was quick to smile and cup his cheek gently. “I have no doubt that you can handle having another child Babe, but the process to get Gwi was hard on us both. I’m worried about whether it’ll be too hard for you this time around with the added... Symptoms.”

              “I don’t want my PTSD to be the reason we don’t even try to have another.” Jinki bit his bottom lip for a moment before stating. “If you really think it’s a bad idea…”

              “I think it’s a great idea.” Jonghyun quickly stated, voice raising in volume for a moment in his slight panic. “I’ll contact the place tomorrow.”

              When Jinki let out a deep breath it was like he had been holding it the entire conversation. He softly grabbed Jonghyun’s wrist and brought his palm over so he could kiss it. “I’m not sure how having a baby is going to interact with my disorder now that Gwiboon is a lot older than when it happened, but… thank you for having a little confidence in me.”

              Jonghyun wiggled up to be able to kiss him gently, foreheads pressed together and he smiled with a little laugh. “I have so much confidence in you, Babe. You’re still the strongest person I know. There’s no one else I’d want to have another child with.”

              “I’m really happy you want another one too.” Jinki’s smile was so bright and light. “I’ve been thinking about it since Gwiboon’s second birthday.”

              “To think, sometime in the future we’ll have another.” Jonghyun laid his head against Jinki’s chest, arms wrapping around each other. “I miss Gwi being a baby. She’s growing so quickly Babe.”

              “I know,” Jinki whispered, the sound of their ceiling fan clicking as it spun above them. “Before we know it, it’ll be time for preschool and then kindergarten.”

              “You stop that right now, Mister,” Jonghyun grumbled cutely causing Jinki to laugh quietly. “I’m really proud of you Jinki.”

              “For what?”

              “This last year and some. You’ve worked so hard and I don’t tell you enough how proud I am of you.”

              Jinki’s voice was caught in his throat as Jonghyun’s arms tightened around him.  He pressed a kiss to Jonghyun’s hair, eyes fluttering closed. His voice cracked a little when he spoke. “What did I say about saying stuff like that?”

              “It makes you emotional.” Came the man’s muffled voice, cheek squished against Jinki’s chest.

              “Well stop it,” Jinki said with a little laugh. “I have a meeting tomorrow I don’t need puffy eyes.”

              “Goodnight, I love you.”

              Jinki hummed quietly, sleep already tugging at him. “Goodnight my love.”

              They slept peacefully until about 3 am when they felt a little someone tugging on their blankets to be helped up. As always, Gwiboon curled up between them, taking up way more space than she should be able to.

\----

_17 months later_

              Jinki was ringing his hands over and over, his nerves increasing the more time they were waiting. Sungkyu was in her doctor’s appointment, waiting for the results of the pregnancy test to see if their embryo stuck. When Jonghyun’s own covered his the nervous tick stopped for a moment as he looked over at his husband. “Whatever happens, know we’ll get our other baby eventually.”

              “I know.. I just-” Jinki closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, counting backward to ten to relax. “I just really want it to be this time. We waited almost five years for Gwiboon.”

              Gently, Jonghyun pressed a kiss to Jinki’s cheek before laying his head on his shoulder, holding his hands between his own. “I have a really good feeling about this one.”

              Just as he was going to comment, the doors were opened and the Doctor waved them in. “Come. Sungkyu thought you’d want to see this.”

              Jonghyun and Jinki shared a look quickly before pushing off the bench. Gwiboon was at Grandma Kim’s, who had called them shortly before to check in as usual. As they followed the doctor they were led into the ultrasound room. Sungkyu smiled brightly as they came into view. She was comfy in the seat, shirt up a little to uncover her mid-drift, and her hands were clasped just under her chest. Jinki was the first to speak. “Does this mean that it stuck?”

              “Why don’t we get started and see how the baby is doing hmm?” The Doctor softly suggested. At his words Jinki’s hand slipped down to curl around Jonghyun’s, feeling relieved when the man gave him little frequent squeezes. The gel was spread along her lower abdomen, a warning of it could be cold was given, and then after a few moments, the picture appeared. The picture wasn’t much, for the Baby wasn’t that far along yet, looking more like a lima bean than a human. “It seems your embryo stuck very nicely. She’s about 8 weeks along.”

              Jonghyun quietly asked, “Can we.. get a few pictures please?”

              “Of course.” The Doctor smiled as the gel was wiped off. “I’ll see you at your next visit, Sungkyu.” Then their attention fell on the two men almost in tears. “Congratulations.”

\-----

_Six months later_

              Getting the call that Sungkyu was in labor a month early had Jinki twisting his fingers into his shirt, foot shaking nervously the entire drive to the hospital. Gwiboon had been late, so much so that their surrogate had to be induced. The pregnancy for Haneul had been one without complications, and though Jonghyun had been told by the hospital staff that their son was healthy and the month shouldn’t cause many troubles, both of them were worried. It had been close to thirteen hours since they got the call, two since they had been asked to leave the room once she was in active labor. Jonghyun reached over, gently stopping him from twisting his fingers in his shirt, and squeezing his hand. His head was on Jinki’s shoulder, but it lifted to look up at him with a smile. “They are going to be okay.”

              When Jinki smiled, he hoped it passed as comforting, “I know.”

              But as usual, Jonghyun saw right through it, pressing a kiss to Jinki’s cheek. “Trust me, Babe.”

              And then the door opened. There was a nurse coming toward them and in her arms was a small wiggly bundle. At once Jinki was standing, before freezing, looking between the nurse and Jonghyun. His husband laughed quietly, touching his lower back in comfort and support as he moved past him toward the nurse. The woman smiled, offering the newborn to Jonghyun. “6lbs, 7 oz. He’s healthy.”

              “And Sungkyu?” Jinki quietly asked.

              “She’s resting.” The nurse bowed her head. “Someone will come to take him from you for a few more tests. Until then, enjoy your time with your son.”

              When she turned to leave Jinki hesitantly stepped beside him, hand lifting to oh so gently to touch the babe’s head. Jonghyun softly smiled, “You won’t hurt him, Babe.”

              “I.. I know.” He breathed in deeply, exhaling as he felt the softness of Haneul’s head full of hair and the warm of him as he rubbed his cheek against his blanket. “He’s smaller than Gwiboon was.”

              “He is.”

              “Maybe he took after you.”

              Jonghyun glared, “Hey.”

              Jinki pressed a kiss to his temple, hand skimming off his back and around his waist, “I can’t wait to take him home.”

              “Me either, Babe. Here, hold him for a moment.”

              “I- Jonghyun,” But Haneul was being laid in his arms before he could protest more and instantly he relaxed. He mumbled as he ran a finger over Haneul’s softly curled fist. “So.. tiny.”

               He chuckled deeply, “You already have mentioned that.”

               “Bite me.”

               “Can do.”

               “Oh do shut up, Babe.” But the words were soft and without malice. Jinki found his way back to their prior seats, holding Haneul close and rubbing his cheek. Jonghyun returned to sit next to him, playing with the tiny foot that had escaped the swaddle of the blanket. There was still a little ink under his toes, making Jonghyun smile as he wiped it off with the wipes he always had on him since he had Gwiboon.

\-----

              Gwiboon looked up from her spot on the floor playing with her legos when she heard someone coming into the room. Once she was certain it was just her Daddy and her little brother, she resumed trying to fit the two pieces in her hands together. Well, that was until she noticed that Haneul was in her spot, curled up on her Daddy’s tummy as they laid on the couch. Frowning, she pushed up onto her feet and made her way over to the couch, gently touching his shoulder. His head turned, a soft smile on his face as he lifted his hand to run a hand over her hair. “Yes, Pumpkin?”

              “He’s in my spot.”

              “What, sweetie?”

              “Hannie, he’s in my spot.”

              “Oh.” Jinki smiled, a soft chuckle leaving his lips. “Can’t you share with your baby brother, Pumpkin?”

              “No.” She pouted deeply. “That’s mine.”

              “Climb up here then, be mindful of him.” Carefully she climbed up by his legs, moving to lay between him and the couch, and laying her head on his chest. “Are you sure you can’t share?”

              “Yes.” She huffed, softly poking her brother’s ear. “He took it.”

              Jinki kissed her hair, moving his right hand to hold Haneul and shifting his left to wrap around Gwiboon. Soon both children were asleep, and even as Jonghyun stepped into the room from his shower, neither woke up. He smiled from the back of the armchair he was leaning onto, “Do you need me to take one of them?”

              “No,” Jinki smiled, looking completely relaxed. “I’m very content.”

              Careful not to wake the two kids up Jonghyun walked over and gently kissed Jinki, fingers skimming over his jaw as he moved just a little to better accommodate him. “I’ll go start dinner. I love you.”

              “I love you too Baby.”

\-----

              Everything around him was blurred, fuzzy around the edges, and he couldn’t pinpoint a focal point. The television was on, but the sound from it was distant as if it was a few rooms away and not a just a couple of feet from him. He had to find Gwiboon. She was gone, he didn’t know where she was, but they had her. They had to have her. He heard quick footsteps approaching, but he didn’t acknowledge them. He had to find Gwiboon.

\-----

              “Daddy I’m right here.”

              Jonghyun looked between Gwiboon and Jinki and his heart broke. In a quick movement, he grabbed Gwiboon as she rushed toward her Daddy, taking her into her room quickly. He kissed her hair, smiling comfortingly. “Stay here, Baby. I’ll be back.”

              “What’s wrong with Daddy?” She softly asked, tears forming in her little eyes.

              “He’s sick Baby. I have to go help him, okay?” She nodded quietly, sniffling, before climbing into her bed and hugging her stuffed otter to her chest. He knew another episode would occur, of course, it was, even with their schedule and his treatment plan, it wasn’t a cure. He had just hoped it never happened until they had explained things to Gwiboon, but some things, like many in their lives as of recent, were out of their control. No matter how much they wished them to be.

\-----

              After some time Jinki relaxed. He was sitting on the couch, head in his hands, as his fingers flexed around his glass of water Jonghyun had brought him. “Take all the time you need, Babe. I have to go check on Gwiboon. She saw you.”

              Jinki rose his hand, eyes wide and panicked, but his voice was so soft and weak. “She… witnessed my episode?”

              “Oh Sweet.” Jonghyun cupped his cheek, thumb moving to wipe the tear that had fallen. “You couldn’t have helped it.”

              His eyes fluttered shut, a deep breath taken as he leaned into the touch before his eyes opened again. “I think it’s time.”

              “Time?”

              “To tell her. To explain.” Jinki shook his head, pushing up from the couch by his hands on his knees. “She must be terrified of me.”

              “Jinki that’s not-” But Jinki looked at him with such sad eyes and it stopped Jonghyun’s voice in his tracks. He disappeared down the hall. After a few moments, Jonghyun followed, to find Jinki stopped in front of Gwiboon’s bedroom door. “I can do this if you feel it’s too difficult for you.”

              “It must come from me.” Jinki huffed quietly, before stepping into the room. Gwiboon looked up from the floor, her avenger's action figures falling from where she held them. “Pumpkin, can Daddy speak with you?”

              “Are you better Daddy?”

              He flashed a little smile, nervous. “For now. Will you come sit with me on the bed?”

              She stood up, placing her toys on the floor and climbed up beside him. “Why are you sick?”

              “That’s a long story Pumpkin, but it’s time for you to know it, if you wish.” When she smiled up at him, his heart ached slightly and he looked over to where he knew Jonghyun to be. He got a smile in return and it was the courage he needed to continue. Looking back at Gwiboon, he’s reminded by the way she’s gazing up at him and the way she sits is so much like Jonghyun. “When you were littler something bad happened to Daddy. It gave me the scar on my tummy and scars in my head too.”

              “In your head?”

              “Yes, Pumpkin. Sometimes I’m reminded of that time and my mind takes me back. It takes me a minute to get back to the present fully.” He wets his lips, hands shaking slightly. “I’m really sorry I scared you earlier Sweetie.”

              “M’fine.” She mumbled, eyes lowering.

              “No, it’s not Pumpkin. I’m your Father. You should never be afraid of me.” He held out his hand, palm up, and warmth filled him as both of hers rested there, one curling around his thumb. “I love you, Gwi. You know that, right?”

              “I do.” She smiled then, pigtails moving softly against her shoulders. “What happened Daddy?”

              The question is such a simple one, but it makes Jinki’s heart drop. He thought he was prepared to tell her, but now with the opportunity to do just that, he couldn’t figure out how to. Jonghyun had stepped further into the room, fully prepared to take over now, but softly Jinki lifts his hand. He was right. It had to come from him. “You’ll have to forgive me Pumpkin, this is a little hard for me.”

              She scoots over then, keeping his hand in her lap, and Jinki wonders how much the young girl had seen with how much she resembled Jonghyun comforting him. “It’s okay Daddy. You can go slow.”

              With a shuddered breath he curses softly in his mind, knowing he’s failing to keep his emotions in check. “You were just a baby. I had taken you to go grocery shopping and some bad men took us away. They demanded your Papa to do some things to get us back. In the end, I was hurt really badly protecting you and your Papa.”

              He didn’t know he was crying until she was climbing into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and softly saying, “Love you, Daddy,” And the soft sob left his lips.

              He felt the bed dip and Jonghyun’s arms embracing them. Jinki received a kiss to his hair and a softly whispered, “You did well.” Too quiet for their daughter to hear.

\----

              They would never have their exact lives back again, they knew, but this life wasn’t so bad. Their little girl would start Kindergarten in a few weeks, just before her fifth birthday. Haneul would be one come December, their little baby growing way too quickly for either of their likings. Jinki still had his moments, triggers slipping through, but he worked hard to have the control he had over his mental illness. They understood it wouldn’t and couldn’t be cured, but it was manageable, and Jinki knew now that no matter what he’d always have Jonghyun on his side.

              The sun was low in the sky, Gwiboon jumping into the pool and giggling each time filled the calm air with glee. Jinki was holding Haneul, laughing every so often when the babe squealed each time his head was dipped back into the water. “Do you like that, Sweetie?”

              Haneul smacked his hands on the water, splashing Jinki in the face softly. Jonghyun slowly shifted his gaze to the other half of his family from Gwiboon. He fondly looked at the way Jinki laughed as Haneul wiggled his chubby legs. Today was the first-day Jinki was swimming without a shirt on, his scar clearing visible on his abdomen. Jonghyun had almost cried seeing him walk out without one on. It was then Jinki’s gaze met his own, a smile curving on his lips. “Are you happy, Babe?”

              Seeing the way Jinki’s face softened, eyes forming crescents as his smile widened. “I am, Baby. I am.”

              That’s all that mattered. They found happiness through everything and they still had each other. That’s what was most important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. Though I left it sort of open-ended to allow an opportunity to revisit this au again in the future. There's a specific scene dealing with how teenage Gwiboon understands Jinki needs to know where she's going even though her friends tease and call him overprotective. but I hope you like it ^_^


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